


A Testimony of Loyalty

by KristinStone



Category: Law & Order: SVU, Trouble in the Heights (2011)
Genre: F/M, Love Triangles, Old Love, Past Drug Addiction, druglord, unhappy relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-23
Updated: 2016-01-30
Packaged: 2018-04-27 17:27:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 15
Words: 28,373
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5057410
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KristinStone/pseuds/KristinStone
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Based on this prompt:<br/>Someone should definitely write a fic about Barba falling in love with Nevada's girlfriend and trying to get her to testify against him.</p><p>This is my take on it. Please don't butcher me.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Drugstore

Rafael left his grandmother's apartment at around 8pm. His mother was still there trying to convince the old lady that she couldn't stay in that house any longer. He had kept a good mood around his abuelita and his mother but his headache was getting worse by the minute. Just a quick stop at the next drugstore to fill up his empty painkiller's stack.

He was standing in the queue at the checkout when he saw something appearing in the corner of his eye. He followed the line of the long bare legs that led up to a sparkling black skirt, much too short for this time of the year.

Well, maybe she was like him and was just stopping by before heading to a party or something. It was Tuesday but that didn't hinder people to party whenever they wanted. Rafael let his eyes wander higher to her tight winter jacket that barely covered her to the waist.

She looked cheap somehow. Her long, brown hair was in those bombshell curls every woman on tv wore nowadays and they made them all look like Kim Kardashian. The woman chewed gum which made her look even cheaper. Her long bangs were covering the upper half of her face when she looked down to the pain relieving balm, gauze, antiseptic tissues, and the same painkillers he was holding in his hands. Fresh bruises were peeking out from under the cuffs of her jacket.

Rafael frowned. Her body language was the same he had already seen in victims of domestic violence so many times. Her shoulders were hunched, the bruises were obvious even though she tried to cover them, and she tried her hardest not to draw any attention. Yet, her clothes were making it pretty hard not to notice her.

There were two people standing in line front of either of them. They were both on the same level, basically standing next to each other with a comfortable distance that allowed him to … well, stare at her.

Rafael thought about asking her if she needed help and giving her some phone numbers of people that could help her. No woman should ever suffer from an abusive relationship and he knew all too well that there was no reason to stay with a monster that hurt the one woman he was supposed to love and keep safe under all circumstances. It just made him sick!

Yet, a deep sigh escaped him when he had to face the same truth he had had to face every day since he had witnessed his father hitting his mother for the first time: He couldn't save anyone who didn't want to be saved.

The sound he'd made must've been louder than he'd thought because it caused the woman to look up and turn her head towards him. Rafael almost dropped the pills in his hand.

"Ella?" he gasped and had to take a closer look. The last time he'd seen her she had been ... what, 12? It was right after he had graduated from Harvard in the last summer he'd lived at home. Fiorella Cortez had been the little girl that had lived next to Eddie when he, Alex and Rafael had still been known as _Los tres muscateros de Jerome Avenue_.

Asking her how she was felt stupid after already determining that she was stuck in an abusive relationship. She looked at him like a deer caught in the headlights, slowly stepping backwards away from him as if she was afraid of him. Ella clearly recognized him but she seemed less than happy to see him.

"What are you doing here?" she whispered lowly, eyes wide.

"I was visiting my abuelita. Remember, you used to stay with her when .."

"When my dad was too drunk to make me lunch and Mum was at one of her three jobs to be able to support us. Yes, I remember."

Only one person separated either of them in line before them now. Ella looked over her shoulder and seemed to see something that made her heart stop. She turned back towards the counter swallowing thickly and started fiddling with the painkillers in her hand. Rafael looked into the direction of the door and could make out two bulls of men outside keeping a very close eye on her.

"Is everything okay? Are you being followed?"

"I am being watched over," she answered silently and kept staring down at the meds in her hands.

"By whom?"

Rafael turned back to her and saw her shaking lightly. He repeated his question and reached out to touch her shoulder just to give her a bit of comfort. But Ella winced away from his hand and shot him a frightened glare.

"Just forget it ... like you did years ago." They could finally put their pills on the counter. Rafael didn't care about the friendly smile the young cashier sent his way.

"Who is treating you so badly, Ella? I can help you if you tell me who did this to you." Rafael nodded down to her bruises. She covered them quickly with her sleeve. Ella handed the cashier some money and wanted to leave without even waiting for her change. It was like she tried to flee from him.

"I don't need your help, Rafael," she hissed and rushed towards the glass door. He caught her by the upper arm before she was out of reach. When she turned towards him again Rafael could see tears starting to brim her eyes. The door opened and one of the bulls stuck his head inside.

"You need help with that pendejo, Ella?" he asked and eyed Rafael from head to toe. With his polished shoes, perfectly groomed hair and 2000 dollar suit he was just as out of place in the Bronx as Ella in her short skirt in February.

"No, I can handle it myself, Tomás!"

"Nevada's waiting, ya know?"

"Yes, I know!" she yelled at the man who lifted his thick black eyebrows, mumbled something about PMS to his colleague and closed the door again.

Ella pulled her arm from his grip and turned towards Rafael. "Leave me alone."

"Was he talking about Nevada Ramirez?" he asked incredulously. The sweet little Ella he'd known and babysat as a teen was the little toy of Nevada Ramirez now? This couldn't be true!

"Yes."

She turned away again but Rafael couldn't let her go back to this murderer and druglord.

"I won't let you go," he claimed pulling her back again. "I will not let you go to this monster!"

She spun around so quickly that her long hair hit him in the face. The expression in her eyes was enough to make him want to cower in the corner until she'd calmed down again. Yet, there were still tears fighting their way to the top. Angry, hot tears!

"Why the fuck do you care so much now? Huh? While you were in New England playing your little gig, your precious Yelina hooked up with Alex and Eddie was already starting to be too occupied with taking care of his mother! And what about me?" she hissed and did everything in her power to keep from crying. "You've simply left! Your family, your friends, me!"

"I studied, Ella. I had a real chance of getting out of the neighborhood."

"You just forgot about me. I never forgot you. You were the only one I ever told about what was going on at home and you simply left me, Rafael!"

The angry tears were her worst enemy right now. Ella didn't want to cry in front of him. Her little 14-year-old self had already spared enough tears for him. She wanted to go and simply forget he ever existed again.

Ella was already by the door when she heard his voice again. "So, you're _with_ him now?"

He almost sounded offended and it made her even angrier.

"Yes, I am," she answered sharply.

"Why? You deserve so much better."

Rafael closed the distance between them with a few strides and reached for her hand but Ella pulled it out of his reach with a furious glare.

"I am happy with him." She knew it was a lie and he knew it was a lie. "He keeps me safe and I don't have to worry about anything if I give him what he wants and stay loyal to him."

"Like a dog?"

The loud smack of her hand coming down on his cheek was sharper than the sudden throbbing pain in her palm only a second later.

"You simply vanished, Rafael, like you never cared a bit for me or anyone else here. How dare you criticize me for the choices I had to make to stay alive?"

"Letting a man like Nevada Ramirez have his way with you is not an option!" Rafael shouted and some customers started staring at them where they had tried not to when she had slapped him.

"It was the only one you've left me with!" Ella swallowed against the lump forming in her throat. She turned on her heel and hurried outside the drugstore to the black Escalade waiting on the other side of the street. She was thankful he'd finally let her go.

The back door opened and Rafael saw her climb into the car with tears running down her cheeks.


	2. Townhouse

Inside the Escalade Ella quickly wiped away the tears on her face knowing she needed a cool head around Nevada. He sat in the corner of the back seat, leaning heavily against the car door, still putting pressure on the gaping wound on his left side. Her once light blue scarf was a deep purple by now.

"What took you so long?" he hissed when Tomás and Gabriel had taken their seats in the front and they headed off home a bit faster than they usually would've to make sure no cruiser pulled them over.

"Lots of people inside," Ella answered somehow truthfully and pulled his hands and her scarf away to take a look at the wound. The bullet had hit him right under his ribcage on the left side but luckily there wasn't just an entry but also an exit wound. But two wounds also meant two holes he could bleed from and that was making it harder to keep the bleeding under control.

"I still think you need a doctor, Nevada."

He huffed and sneered with a lopsided grin. "I've had worse and doctors only ask questions."

"But I don't think I can handle this one." Ella was tearing up when she watched the vibrant red blood leave his body in the rhythm of his beating heart. Nevada took the scarf from her hand and pressed it back on the entry wound. He pulled her closer and wiped away a stray tear leaving a smudged trace of his own blood on her pale cheek.

"You managed worse in the last ten years." It was meant to calm her but it only reminded her of the many times she had already stitched him together again.

"What if I can't mana-"

He shushed her with his finger over her lips. Ella tasted the copper of his blood on them instantly.

"Stop talking."

They drove to his house right in the middle of Washington Heights. It looked like all the others but inside it was luxurious and spacious and clean as if it was polished with a qtip once an hour. Which usually came in handy as it minimized the chance of catching an infection when a deal went horribly wrong like it did tonight.

It was supposed to be just a deal like so many others: She had dressed up to distract the business partner, they drove up to the new warehouse in Yonkers, made sure the other guys were all staring at her breasts and ass before real talk started, and like that Nevada usually got a better deal than before. Only that this time there were too many guns involved and in no time bullets had hit walls, chests, backs, heads, and eventually Nevada. It was a miracle that none of them had even touched her.

Ella wished she could just forget what had happened afterwards, distance herself from the memory of the heavy, warm gun in her hand, and the pain in her shoulder from the recoil of the shot she had fired.

This didn't happen to her, it happened to someone else, Ella thought over and over again while Gabriel and Tomás brought Nevada into his bedroom upstairs while she headed to the bathroom to collect sewing material, patches, the stuff she got from the drugstore, and a handful of towels because her scarf was too soaked with his blood to work as a useful barrier anymore.

When Ella entered his bedroom Nevada was shirtless and threw his thugs out. Luckily, they closed the door behind them as they should and as Nevada had taught them as soon as they moved into the house with all the others.

Nevada was easier to handle when they were alone together. He could put down his hard mask when she was the only one around him. In the last ten years she'd earned herself the right to be in his inner circle that was usually reserved for his closest family alone.

She worked on his wounds in silence, listening to every light hiss or curse he muttered under his heavy breath. Nevada's face was pale from the blood loss. Ella avoided looking up at it because he looked half dead, and that made her chest tighten and a lump form in her throat.

She sat behind him and suppressed sobs when she stitched up his exit wound. They were all by themselves now which meant he showed the pain he was suffering from.

"I almost lost you," Ella whispered and wiped away a tear with the back of her blood covered hand.

"But you didn't." He hissed when the needle in her hand penetrated his skin for the last time.

"Nevada, I don't want this anymore. I've been with you for ten years now and it feels like your ''job'' is getting more and more dangerous. This is the second time I'm stitching you up this year and it's only February."

She covered the stitches with a patch and turned away from him. Ella knew he would never stop being a druglord; that and fucking were the only things he was really good at. And since he, although a multiple murderer, two-timer, and worst druglord of the entire East Coast, was still too catholic to make a living out of selling his body. Hands down, this man had strict standards.

"It's just a bad year," he mumbled and turned around to her. Ella felt his hands on her shoulders when he slowly pulled her head around to face him. Her eyes were red from the tears that wanted to come out but she hated crying in front of him. Or in this house in general. You were never really alone in here. Nevada kept Tomás, Gabriel, Arturo and the ''other'' thugs around. Ella never cared to learn their names because they usually ended in jail as soon as she had memorized them.

"The years are only getting worse, Nevada."

She let him pull her into his arms and started crying into his shoulder. Nevada usually wasn't much of a hugger but whenever she really needed comfort he was there to give it to her.

"I don't want to lose you," Ella sobbed against his naked chest. He was feeling cold and the air was heavy with the scent of his blood and cold sweat.

"I don't intend on leaving you anytime soon." Nevada tried to sound confident and as if it was written in stone but they both knew that he had gathered too many enemies over the years to die of old age.

Ella just wanted to ask him for the ten thousandth time if he hadn't had enough money to stop doing what he did and simply live somewhere upstate without guns and thugs and drugs when suddenly the door flew open and one of the ''new'' thugs bashed in.

"Nevada, we dumped the bodies," he said as if that was a major accomplishment and not something his boss had ordered him to do. Nevada growled lowly and let go of Ella. She wiped her cheeks dry again and began cleaning up the materials she had used to stitch him up again.

"Where I told you to?" he asked irately because he had forgotten the most important rule: Knocking when being faced with a closed door! The newbie swallowed thickly and looked to the side. Idiot, Ella thought and shook her head involuntarily.

"Where I told you to?" Nevada repeated a bit louder.

"Yeah, kinda. There were some teens where you told us to throw them into the Hudson."

Nevada closed his eyes and stood up. He walked over to the thug and Ella knew exactly what would follow. Despite the blood loss and the pain he was in, Nevada screamed and shouted at him and that he wasn't giving orders for them to be interpreted where they should be followed by the letter.

The thug left with a bloody nose and Ella quickly closed the door before anyone could see Nevada collapse on the bed with a choked out a cry of pain. His knuckles were bleeding but that was nothing to worry about. Ella walked over to him and stroked over his hair.

"Pendejo," he hissed and clenched his teeth.

"Do you think you can stay awake while I wash off the blood under the shower?"

He nodded with his eyes closed. Ella wasn't really convinced he had even heard her but jumped under a quick shower nonetheless. She didn't even wait until the water wasn't pink anymore when she returned to the bedroom.

Nevada was standing in front of the drawer, slightly swaying, and tried to change into a clean shirt for the night. Moving his arm hurt which made dressing a bit of a challenge.

"Let me help you," Ella offered and hurried over to him.

"I'm not a baby. I can put on a shirt myself," he growled with a deep voice. He acted like a stubborn child every time after he had been shot. Ella was accustomed to this behaviour by now and let him struggle until he gave up and decided on sleeping shirtless rather than ask for her help.

In the dark room that still smelled of sweat and blood, Ella suddenly thought about Rafael. He had looked good, even more handsome than she had remembered him. Nevada stirred next to her trying to find a comfortable sleeping position. She imagined how her life might have went when not Rafael but Alex had gone to Harvard. Would he have stayed with Yelina and finally found out what a bitch she was and that she had cheated on Rafael months before finally breaking up with him? Would she be his wife and mother of his children by now? Would she be happy?

 

* * *

 

 

Two days later. Nevada had never given himself much time to heal after a bullet hit him. This time wasn't different. He had kept on working like nothing had happened. The only concession he made was that he let Ella take control when they were together in bed. When they had sex she rode him almost tenderly but hard enough for him to at least feel a bit pain. Her little punishment for his risky behaviour. She was careful and actually didn't want to endanger him due to the wound but Ella knew by now that he wouldn't let her pamper him like a baby.

When they had breakfast on Thursday morning, Ella could feel his green eyes burning into her skin. She was sure she hadn't done anything wrong so she ignored him as good as she could. Maybe one of the new thugs had messed up again or the police had found the bodies they hadn't dumped properly. Nevada was always pissed when somebody messed up his plans due to their stupidity or ignorance.

'You shouldn't surround yourself with idiots if you can't take them', she had whispered last night after he had moaned about one of the nameless thugs for what had felt like hours.

'But I have to keep the non-idiots out of jail for as long as I need them.'

She had murmured a 'yes' and 'absolutely' from time to time while feeling her thoughts drift back to her what-if life with Rafael by her side.

"You've got a letter from the Manhattan police office," Nevada mumbled before stuffing a fork full of Arepa con Quesito into his mouth (only Ella managed to make the corn cake like he loved them) and looked at her with a stern look. The envelope had been opened.

"And what do they want?" she asked without interrupting her breakfast.

"They want you to testify." Her heart stopped a moment. This couldn't be true. Rafael couldn't be so stupid to send her a note into HIS house. "In a car accident last month," Nevada added a second later.

Ella lifted her eyebrows.

"I didn't know you witnessed a car crash."

"I didn't see the need to tell you. It was just a fender bender, nothing more. I'm sure it's just an insurance thing."

Why did she lie? There has never been an accident she had witnessed. This was Rafael trying to lure her out of Nevada's sphere of influence. It worked. Ella told herself that she would tell Rafael to leave her alone and Nevada would never have to find out.


	3. Office

The next day Ella had her appointment to ''testify'' at the police. Nevada knew that car accidents weren't much of a deal so the DA's office wouldn't be involved in this. He trusted her more than anyone else, still he wouldn't let her take a cab so he sent Gabriel to be her chauffeur for the day while he was dealing with a little shit that thought he could sell his coke in Nevada's neighborhood. Ella was sure Nevada would teach him a lesson that would also teach all the other little wannabes that they better don't mess with Ramirez. Old dogs might not be the fastest ones but they definitely knew the best tricks to get what they wanted.

Just when the car had pulled out on the road Ella started staring at Gabriel like a hawk. She wanted him to know that she was watching him and that even though Nevada wasn't around she would still not let him treat her like anything other than Nevada's girl.

"Drive me to the Manhattan DA's office."

"What? Why the fuck to the DA? I thought it was just about a car accident?"

"Shut up and drive. And if you ever tell anyone, especially Nevada, where you're driving me today, I will tell him where the 20 Grand went that weren't in the warehouse when the kids blew it up last summer," she warned and Gabriel swallowed thickly. He knew she was dead serious and that she wouldn't even blink when Nevada threw him into the Hudson. And this time the right spot.

"How long did you know?" he asked, getting pale from one second to the other.

"I noticed your new watch as soon as you had it. I'm not as stupid as you all like to believe I am."

He drove her to the DA's office and told him to wait. She even took his phone from him to make sure he wouldn't snitch on her.

Her outside was calmer than she actually was. Her heart was beating as if she was being chased by a wild, blood thirsty animal. Ella asked a guard for Rafael's office. Luckily, she dressed a bit more conservatively when Nevada didn't want to use her as a distraction during business meetings like he'd tried when Rafael had last seen her, so nobody bat an eye. Like this the guard just sent her through the metal detector and to the third floor.

His secretary let her in without even asking for her name. Rafael must've briefed her to keep it short. He was on the phone, somewhere hidden behind his laden desk. His feet on the table, Rafael sat leaned back in his leather chair. He looked stressed and pissed until his eyes met hers.

"I'll call you back later, Liv,« he said and hung up. »I almost thought you wouldn't make it."

"Do you even know in what danger you are putting me with this?" she hissed and threw her ''invitation'' on the floor in front of his desk.

"Yet, you came or did you tell him who you had the interview with?"

Rafael stood up and leaned against his desk to be taller than her. It was helping to establish his dominance without appearing like a threat with his desk still between them.

"Of course not."

"You shouldn't have to keep a visit at my office a secret."

"Yes, I should. Meeting with a man who sent me a false witness summon to meet me alone while I'm with another man should definitely be kept a secret, Rafael!" Ella shouted and didn't care if his secretary outside could understand every word. The recklessness and thoughtlessness with which he had brought her here was making her more than angry. She had a structured life but he simply didn't care.

"No, you shouldn't because I'm standing on the right side of the law. I'm where the winners are and you could be here too if you helped me."

"Help you?" she screeched highly.

"Yes," he walked around his desk and stood right in front of her, "You could testify against him and get him into jail, all of them. You don't have to be afraid. I can keep you save. I can make sure nobody ever touches you again. Ella, you could have a family, be a mother and make everything better that your parents fucked up. I know you would be a great mother. You -"

"Shut up! Fucking hell, do you ever stop talking?" she screamed at him, feeling tense and on edge, and sat down on his leather couch. Her head was pounding and her chest felt like it was stuck in a tight vice.

"I'm a lawyer. If I stop talking, I lose."

Ella huffed an unamused laughter and cradled her face in her hands.

"God, you're so different from him," she whispered and sighed deeply.

"I hope so. He's a killer, Ella." Rafael sat down next to her and moved close enough so their legs were touching. "I can help you if you only let me."

Ella shook her head. She didn't need help. Her life was as fine as it could get. She had a roof over her head, a bed to sleep in and she never had to worry about where to get her next meal from. There were so many people in this city who had it worse than her.

"I'm fine, Rafael," she told him and sincerely hoped he would finally get it. "I made my bed and it's very comfortable."

"How can you not be disgusted by this man and what he does?" Rafael felt boiling anger rise inside his chest. She had always been a smart girl; how could she have become such a stupid woman? He stood up and paced the floor in front of her. "He is a druglord. He sells drugs to children! There are investigations against him connecting him with the murder of an eleven-year-old. He was thrown in front of a train last summer, Ella! How can you ignore all this?!"

"He isn't just evil, Rafael! And he was there for me when I needed him!" she screamed at him and got up. "I think we're done here. Don't you ever talk to me again!"

And with that she was gone, vanished again. Rafael wasn't sorry for the things he had said because they'd been the truth. Rafael had seen pain in her eyes. She knew what a monster lay in her bed but why wouldn't she accept his helping hand?

  


* * *

 

  


A few hours later Ella stood in the kitchen when she heard Nevada and his thugs return from dealing with the new wannabes and collecting ''insurance money'' from the bodegas in the neighborhood. She had begged him to stay home at least for a few more days but Nevada wouldn't be Nevada if he would actually listen to her just once in his life.

When he entered the room he smelled of cigars. Something she hated because it reminded her of her father. Nevada dismissed Tomás and Gabriel and walked towards Ella from behind. He kissed her neck and hummed when he smelled her sweet perfume mixed in with the smell of (her) freshly brewed tea. He only ever showed affection when he knew nobody was watching them much like he only showed pain when nobody was around to witness it.

"Tea?" he mumbled and took another deep breath. His hands moved over her waist and the curves of her hips. Suddenly he stopped and guided them towards her lower belly.

"Are you ..?" There was a faint hint of hope in his voice that broke her heart.

"No, I'm not pregnant," she whispered and almost slapped his hands away from where a baby would be growing inside her if she were actually pregnant.

Ella took her tea and wanted to walk inside her bedroom but stopped by the door. She looked over her shoulder towards him and gave him a small smile. He leaned against the counter and pinched the bridge of his nose. He had his headaches again. They came more and more frequently lately just like the bullets came flying his way.

Ella remembered when she had answered with a ''yes'' when he had asked her the last time if she was pregnant because she was practically living off that tea to tend for her morning sickness. It had happened only two years ago but felt like a whole lifetime.

She had never seen him so … happy and animated and full of life. There had been no cruelty in his eyes for at least a second before it had returned in all it's disgustingness. Ella had known right from the beginning that she would never live in a nice little home with a dog and a white garden fence if she stayed with him. So it wasn't much of a surprise that Nevada didn't really show happiness and all of the sudden was cuddly and smoochy just because she had been pregnant. The only sign of fatherly affection he allowed himself was laying his hand over her little belly when he thought she was already peacefully sleeping. He had even talked to his child in Spanish, little nullities but kind, sweet ones.

Ella also remembered the day she had been looking through catalogs for baby clothing, supplies and accessories together with Nevada's sister, Angelina. All of the sudden there had been pain and blood and Nevada was nowhere to be found. He had been somewhere doing his thing while Angelina had rushed her to a nearby hospital.

The next thing she could remember was waking up in a hospital bed with an IV hooked to her arm and Nevada sitting next to her in one of the uncomfortable hospital chairs, staring at her and breathing calmly but with red eyes. There had been a heaviness in the air between them, a question that needed to be asked, but Ella wasn't strong enough to voice it. All she did was running her hand over her belly and knowing instantaneously that it was too flat, despite the light swelling.

Nevada had been by her side when the first tear had rolled down her cheek and hadn't left it until she had been dismissed from the hospital again. Ella had no idea how much money he had paid the nurses and doctors to let him stay around all day.

Once home again his caring side had vanished behind his druglord mask again. As she had told Rafael only an hour earlier; Nevada wasn't _just_ evil … but he wasn't good either.

They had never talked about having children. Not before and not after her miscarriage. And with her heart suddenly remembering all the feelings she had had for Rafael and the increasing danger Nevada surrounded himself with, she wasn't in the mood for planning a family with this man there in front of her.


	4. Nightclub

On Friday night the whole gang, including Nevada, his sister, Angelina, and Ella, went into his favorite night club. Nevada was looking at her approvingly when she turned in front of her full length mirror to check her new outfit for tonight. A snug dress in a beautiful dark blue that fit her like a glove. He had good taste and he liked to show it with the dresses he bought for her.

Ella still had two hearts beating in her chest. On the one hand she loved Nevada, although less and less over the last months with more violence and danger surrounded him. She was grateful for the security he offered her and, dare she say it, the love she had received ever since she had moved in with him. But there was so much that just didn't fit into her vision of a good life. Ella wasn't stupid. She had always known he was no man to marry and have children with but still.

And on the other hand, she still couldn't shake off the questions in the back of her head that started to get louder and louder, demanding her attention, and all of them circling around Rafael. What could've been if he had stayed in the Bronx all those years ago? What would've been if she had just told him how much she loved him back then? Nonesense, Ella thought with a frown, she had been a child when he had left. Rafael would've probably brushed it off as a small crush a girl had on her babysitter. Maybe he would've given her a worthless promise to go on a ''date'' when he returned for spring break and nothing more.

»I don't think it's a good idea to go out so soon after being sh-,« she sighed, returning from the what-if's in her mind back into the not much brighter here and now.

»That's why I don't pay you for thinking«, Nevada interrupted her and let his eyes feast on her beautifully contoured curves in that short dress.

»You don't pay me at all.«

»And what do you call providing food and shelter?«, he snapped and got up groaning. Ella bit her tongue when her brain shouted at her to tell him he was getting too old and ''punctured'' to go nightclubbing like a fucking college boy. She knew better so she just grabbed her clutch and walked downstairs with him. They drove over to the club where the VIP lounge was cleared for them. A couple of wannabe thugs started acting up until they saw Nevada was the reason for being kicked out of the booth.

It was like every time they were here. As soon as they had all got themselves a drink, the first girls -not yet grown women- started swaying closer to the velvet cord that seperated the lounge from the dance floor. Ella was by Nevada's side listening to Angelina talking about her younger son, the one that was still alive and doing as much shit as his older brother until he had died last summer.

So much had changed after those kids had blown up the warehouse. Nevada had changed a lot. With a family member dead he had become harder and even more ruthless, as if proving the world that he wouldn't let anyone touch his own blood unpunished but because he couldn't get a hand on the other kid and his older brother, he simply punished everyone that got funny with him.

But other things never changed. Just like the looks those girls were sending in Nevada's direction. Ella could already feel the tension in his body shift from being relaxed and having a talk with his men to being relaxed and checking out a women he wanted to fuck in the bathroom stall.

She hated it and he knew it … he just didn't care much about how she felt about that. One girl struck Ella as her hardest opponent. She was curvy like he liked his sluts to be, her hair was bleached and her lips full. Nothing about her was natural, Ella thought and shook her head involuntarily when the girl winked at Nevada.

His arm around her shoulder loosened and he made his way down the two steps to the dance floor.

“She's nothing to him. Just a mouse he can play with,” Angelina shouted into Ella's ear over the loud music. Ella simply nodded and watched the “cat” play with the mouse. Although it looked more like the mouse was playing her own little game. She wrapped her arms around his neck and licked her fake lips tentatively. His eyes were fixed on her mouth. He wouldn't kiss her. He never did.

Whenever he wanted to pull her close and grind his pelvis against her to the rhythm of the music she would pull back and make him “chase” her over the dancefloor.

It didn't take him too long until he had her where he wanted her to be: trapped between his body and the wall. Ella watched him from the lounge, sipping her coke with rum and glaring daggers at Nevada and this puta!

“Just ignore him.”

“Would you ignore it if your husband acted so disrespectful right in front of your eyes?” Ella snapped and shut her up like that. This whole day was making her short-tempered and aggressive even. When Nevada started to kiss down that woman's neck Ella had enough.

“I'm going home.”

“But … You can't just leave,” Gabriel claimed from the other side of the sofa, a girl hanging by his lips.

“Watch me.” Ella ignored his words when she picked up her purse and weaved her way through the crowd on the dancefloor. She needed fresh air and something else to look at than Nevada having a blast with another woman.

When she was outside on the street she was freezing and there was no cab in sight. Great! Before she could dig into her purse to find her phone a large hand grabbed her upper arm and spun her around.

“What do you think you're doing?” Nevada said in a low, dangerous voice.

“I'm having a head ache and I wanna go home. You can go back inside and fuck half the club if that's what you have planned for tonight.”

Nevada let out a dramatic sigh and shook his head. “Carino, jealousy doesn't look good on you.” He closed the small distance between them and whispered, “You know, you're the only one that matters.”

“Then why do you even need them?” she replied and felt his fingers close tightly around her upper arm.

“I don't _need_ anyone. And I fuck them because I want to and that's all the reason you need.”

Yeah, sure. Ella shook her head and yanked her arm out of his grip. “I am going home, now.”

Nevada grinded his teeth and snapped his fingers at Tomás, who had followed Nevada outside.

“Get the guys … and the girl from the dancefloor. We're having a little private party at home,” he ordered with a greasy grin on his face. Ella bit her tongue before she could tell him what was raking through her chest. Sure, she was the only one that mattered but he still needed to fuck some strangers and humiliate her like that.

When the group split up for the ride home, Ella climbed into the second SVU with Tomás and Angelina instead of Nevada and his new toy for the night. He would probably not keep his hands from that bitch and Ella really didn't need that!

Nevada didn't even look at her when they were home again and he shuffled the screeching blonde into his bedroom. Gabriel brought Angelina home and Tomás had his girlfriend already at the house so he could occupie himself with her downstairs in the living room.

Ella was left all by herself in her bedroom. It definitely didn't help her mood that her and Nevada's bedroom shared a wall when this slut wasn't just moaning but screaming when he fucked her into the mattress.

She tried not to think about it but it wasn't working. Ella needed to get out of here and this time she was sure that Nevada wouldn't catch her in time. Quickly, she gathered a few things and stuffed them inside her biggest hand bag before she made her way downstairs and towards the door.

With hurried steps she passed the open living room door, ignoring the sounds of sex coming from it. Tomás was enjoying his time with his girl and Ella couldn't be happier because like that and with Gabriel still on the road, nobody would notice her leaving. When she was outside she looked around for a cab to take her away from this god forsaken place.

“Fuck, yo! Ella, where you going?” she heard behind her and stopped in her tracks.

Ella let out a deep sigh and turned around. Tomás still had his pants open, trying not to lose them as he followed her outside the house.

“Away.”

His eyebrows shot up. “Does Nevada know?”

“No.”

“Wow, I think you should better stay home. He's not gonna like seeing you gone whe-”

“When he's done with that puta,” Ella hissed, venom dripping into her voice.

“Yeah, well.” Tomás scratched the back of his head thinking about his next words, “You've been with him for so long, you know how he is. Just a bit of fun but they don't mean anything.”

She wanted to shout at him: They mean something to me! But she stopped herself before she could even open her mouth. Losing it around Nevada's men wasn't going to take her anywhere.

“Just come back inside and give him hell when she's gone again.”

“No.”

“What do you mean, no?”

“I mean no. I'm going.”

Tomás scanned her clothes. She was still wearing her party outfit but she had a pretty big bag with her. A few grand would've fit easily in it. And probably enough of her clothes that she wouldn't have to come back for a while.

“What shall I say when he asks when you come back.”

God, this was already taking too long for Ella's taste. “Tell him, you don't know.”

“But he will get really pissed when he finds out I let you go without knowing that stuff. You know that.”

She pulled out the gun Nevada had put into her nightstand a few weeks ago in case he ever needed one in another room of the house. She aimed at Tomás, making him take a few steps back. “Tell him you didn't see me leaving.”

He saw her leaving without trying to stop her once again. Fuck, he was in a shitload of trouble!

 


	5. Apartment

Once she was around the corner Ella put away the gun and hailed a cab. She let the driver head downtown while she still searched the internet for a safe place to stay overnight. Maybe a hotel but she didn't want to be alone tonight. If she showed up at Angelina's, Nevada would know it within a heartbeat. There was actually only one person she wanted to see tonight but she didn't know where she could find him.

In the end she took the _easy way_ out and called Rafael's abuelita and asked her for his address. She knew that Catalina wouldn't ask questions and give answers.

After a few minutes the cab halted in front of a tall and posh looking apartment house with a doorman who eyed her suspiciously when he called Rafael upstairs.

“There's a young ... lady here. She says she's a friend of yours. Her name is Fiorella Cortez.”

Ella ignored his arched eyebrow and glance of appraisal. She had had enough of them in her life already. Too many to give a fuck about them anymore.

“As you wish, Mr Barba. I'll send her upstairs.”

And suddenly the doorman was the nicest man on earth. “You can go inside, Miss Cortez. Mr Barba lives on the 16th floor. Have a nice day.”

“Gracias, papi,” she replied and winked at him, having a bit of fun playing the prostitute he obviously thought she was. When she walked to the elevator she put extra effort in letting her hips sway and fluffing up her hair. She blew him a kiss just before the elevator doors closed.

“Fucking asshole,” Ella hissed when she was on her way up to the 16th floor. Rafael was waiting for her with lifted eyebrows when the elevator came to a stop on his floor.

“What happened?” he asked, concern in his voice, even before she had made her way over to him. “Are you hurt?”

“No, I'm fine. I just can't stay in that house tonight. Do you mind if I stay here for a few hours?”

He scanned her from head to toe before he nodded. God, why couldn't they just stop reducing her to her outward appearance today? She followed his inviting gesture and waited for him to show her his apartment.

“This way,” Rafael said calmly and lead her into the living room. It was an open, friendly room. No smell of cigars lingering in the air, only a tinge of the expensive bourbon she had already smelled in his breath by the door. “Take a seat.”

She slumped down on his cream coloured leather couch and watched him stand in the middle of the room, not sure what he was supposed to do with her now.

“Do you need something? Something to drink or eat? A doctor? Police protection?”

“Please stop, Rafael. I had a long day and I just wanted a bit of peace before I go back.”

Rafael's face fell. “So you want to go back,” he murmured and sat down in the arm chair opposite of the couch.

“Yes, I … I don't know. I just couldn't stay home.”

“Why not? I thought you were so happy with him.”

“Shut up, Rafael,” she sighed and sank deeper into the couch cushions, “I am not here to have you make me feel even worse than I already do.”

“Then why are you here, Ella? I'm just wondering. The last time we talked you seemed more than determined to stay with him no matter what. What changed?”

“Nothing.” Obviously a lie. Rafael recognized the way her lips pursed and her how she started fiddling with a thread from her dress rather than making eye contact. She might have changed in age and appearance but he still recognized the little girl he knew all those years ago.

“Do you still like strawberry ice cream?” he suddenly asked and caught Ella off guard in the middle of her gloomy thought. She needed a second to repeat his question in her head and smiled eventually.

“Yeah, I do.”

“What a coincidence that I always have a tub of it in my freezer.”

“Not a coincidence. You are addicted to it even more than I am.” Ella tried to hide her smile when she remembered all the times they had suffered from painful brain freeze and overate on that sweet pink devil, strawberry ice cream. Rafael got up and prepared them both an ice cream bowl with whipped cream and chocolate sprinkles on top if it. When he returned to the living room, Ella had taken off her uncomfortable shoes and stood in front of his book case, tilting her head to read the titles.

“Here.” She looked at him over her shoulder and smiled brightly when she saw what he had there.

“Sprinkles and Hemingway, I expected nothing else from you.”

“Even though we haven't seen each other in so long.”

They returned to the couch and ate the ice cream in comfortable silence until ...

“You weren't at your father's funeral.”

“Surprise, surprise,” he grumbled and shoved a big spoonful of the whipped cream into his mouth without looking at her once.

“I was there. Your mum was alone.”

“She had my abuelita and I really don't get why she even bothered going there.”

“He was her husband,” Ella whispered, licking off a bit of ice cream from her pinky.

“He was a drinker and a monster. You don't know what I had to endure under this man. You wouldn't have gone to his funeral in my stead.”

“Well, I wasn't there for him. I wanted to see you again,” she mumbled in response, avoiding his eyes as much as he was.

Rafael wasn't sure how he was supposed to react.

Thankfully his ringing phone interrupted the uncomfortable silence that had settled in.

“Sorry,” he murmured and wanted to brush off the call until he saw his mother's caller ID. “Sorry, I think I need to take this.”

“No problem. Greet her from me,” Ella mumbled into her bowl.

Rafael stood up and walked into his kitchen to talk alone. Ella took the time and thought about what she was actually doing here. Just the simple fact that Rafael had prepared her a bowl of ice cream made her heart beat faster and a warm fuzzy feeling suddenly washed over her. She felt like a child again, having a nice afternoon with him before he had left her alone and with no one to turn to. Rafael said she should leave Nevada but it was him who had helped her through the most terrible time of her life. She was assigned to be thankful and loyal after what that ''monster'', as Rafael called him, had done for her.

Ella sighed heavily when the old memories crept up to the surface once more.

What was she doing here? This wasn't her world! Rafael's doorman had mistaken her for a prostitute, for fuck's sake. She belonged to Nevada and she knew that those other women meant nothing to him. She knew it even though it hurt.

Just as she wanted to get up and leave, Rafael returned to the living room. His face was pale, his eyes wide. He looked like he had seen a ghost.

Ella rushed over to him and furrowed her brows. “What happened?”

He opened his mouth a few times without really making a sound. She was getting really concerned. He always found the right words! He was a lawyer. If he stopped talking, he lost, he had said it himself!

“My mother just called. Ehm ...” He snivelled and blinked away the rising tears in his big green eyes. “My abuelita died today.”

Ella gasped and breathed a silent _Oh my God_ , before she pulled Rafael into a tight hug and felt his breath and tears dampen the crook of her neck. She had spend more time with Catalina Diaz than her own mother as a child. His loss hit her almost as hard as it hit him.

“What can I do?” she asked helplessly. Ella felt like holding him, stroking her hand up and down his back wasn't enough. God, she had talked to her only a few hours ago and now she was dead? Ella couldn't believe it. “How's your mami taking it?”

He let go of her and brushed away the tears glistening on his cheeks. Rafael turned his head to the side, not facing her when he spoke again, “I have to go to her. She's at my abuelita's apartment. She sounded almost hysterical on the phone.”

“Do you want me to come with you?”

“No,” He took a deep breath before continuing, “No, it's family business. You … you can stay in my guest room if you want. I guess, I have to take care of mami first.”

Rafael wiped away new tears and turned to leave until Ella caught his hand, squeezing it and giving him a sympathetic smile. He looked down to their interlaced fingers, seeing the fainted bruises he had first noticed when seeing her in the drugstore almost a week ago.

“Siento tu pérdida, Rafael,” she whispered and moved her free hand to rest on his cheek. He leaned into her touch slightly before freeing his hand from hers, grabbing his down jacket and heading towards his mother to be there for her.

Ella knew he would find a way to blame himself for his abuelita's death. He had always blamed himself when something had gone wrong. Rafael might think she had been too young to notice but she had heard him talk with Catalina when he thought she was occupied with homework in the other room or having a midday sleep when he babysat her.

Rafael was the only one who ever knew what was going on at home with her useless father and her mother who tried to provide for her with three jobs just to have her husband steal the money they would've needed to buy groceries because he had run out of booze, again. And as much as Rafael knew what hell she was going through, Ella always knew where the bruises on his and his mother's face had come from. He didn't do sports so his story about them having happened during a match was just a big fat lie even her 8 year old self had sniffed five miles against the wind.

Also she had listened to the conversations Rafael had had with Catalina; how he had blamed himself because he couldn't keep his mami safe and how she refused to leave him no matter how often he raised his hand against her and, eventually, her son.

Ella looked around in Rafael's empty apartment, feeling lost … and alone. After her mother's death, years after her father had flung himself in front of a bus, she had felt the same way. Left alone by everyone!

She collected her things quickly and ran home to the only person she had always been able to count on over the last years despite all his mistakes. Nevada!

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Siento tu pérdida. - I'm sorry for your loss.


	6. Townhouse II

When Ella came home almost an hour later the lights were all out. Everyone was probably sleeping so she left her shoes by the door and sneaked upstairs into her bedroom. From the corner of her eye she had glanced at Nevada's bedroom door, thinking about crawling in his bed and snuggling up to him for comfort. But the sheets would probably still smell of sex and … her.

Maybe tomorrow morning she would get a chance to get a half hearted hug from him before he had to do his _thing_ again.

Ella just closed the door behind her when her bedside lamp got switched on behind her. Startled, she turned around and found Nevada sitting on her bed with his favorite gun in his hand. His eyes were looking down to the shiny metal on his lap. Ella swallowed thickly by the sight of his calm body language. He could change from cheerful and joking to aggressive and punching someone in the throat in little to no time. She had seen it often enough.

“Where were you?” he asked, not looking at her.

“I was visiting an old friend.” There was no use in lying to him and Ella was simply too tired to be angry at him for sleeping around.

“Did you have a nice evening with your _friend_?”

“No, not at all.” Her voice was shaking when tears fought their way to the surface. She couldn't deal with his stupid jealousy right now. She had lost yet another person she had loved as a child. The only one left now was Rafael and he was out of reach while she was with Nevada. She needed his comfort. Why couldn't he just look at her, act like a loving, attentive boyfriend and pull her into a hug?

“What _friend_ were you visiting?”

“Ra-Rafael Barba,” Ella sobbed and only angered Nevada with her tears.

“Do you think you can sneak out, fuck another man and come back home when you're done like I wouldn't notice?”

Now he looked at her and his eyes glared daggers. He didn't see her hitched breath or her shaking shoulders. Nevada stood up and armed his gun before pointing it at her. Ella squeezed her body to the door behind her. “You fucking bitch think you can disrespect me like that? Think you can come back here without facing punishment?”

“Nothing happened.”

“Liar!”

“Test it. I only had a bowl of ice cream before-”

“Shut up!” Nevada shouted at her so loudly that the whole neighborhood could hear it. There was something flashing through his hate-filled grimace; hurt and disappointment. “When you came to me ten years ago, you were nothing but another whore on crack! If I hadn't pulled you out of that dump you lived in, you would be rotting in some abandoned warehouse by the docks by now!”

“I know,” she cried, shaking even more under her silent sobs, “I swear, Nevada, I would never betray you. Please, believe me.”

Her only hope was that he would remember the slightest hint of affection he'd ever felt for her and not shoot her in the middle of the night. She was completely at his mercy. Ella collapsed on the floor, pulling her knees to her chest and sobbing so hard that she almost choked. Nevada towered over her, taking in every strand of her disarrayed hair, every honest tear that rolled down her cheeks, every stammered apology she tried to utter but couldn't fully phrase.

He had never seen her like this before. Nevada remembered that even as a dirty drug addict she had still been a proud woman with a sharp tongue. The things he had admired her for and the reason he had decided she was worth his time at all.

He looked at her as if he wanted to paint her while she was still shattering, breaking into a thousand pieces, in front of his eyes. The harsh lines on his face softened when he lowered his gun and eventually put it away. Ella didn't see it. Her forehead was touching her knee caps and her eyes were closed. Her body was still shaking, almost like a hiccup. She felt like a single giant raw nerve in the open for everyone to see. His warm hand on her forearm made her jump and look up again.

“Please,” she begged, being too absorbed in her own distress to read the genuinely calm face in front of her.

“What happened, carino?” Nevada asked silently and knelt down in front of her. She didn't answer, only took the opportunity to receive the desperately needed hug from him. Ella flung her arms around his neck and hid her face in the crook of his neck. He smelled of sweat, his colonge, cheap perfume and cigar smoke. Fuck the cheap perfume but this was the man she loved.

“Carino, talk to me. What did he do to you?”

“Nothing.” Ella shook her head. Nevada wouldn't be happy with that answer but he knew her well enough to know that he only needed a bit of patience until she would tell him everything he wanted to hear.

When she had calmed down a bit they went to bed, her bed of course. Ella let him undress her, feeling too tired and too drained to even lift her arms by herself. She also wanted to give him the opportunity to examine her body for any signs she might have lied to him. He wouldn't find hickeys, little bitemarks or bruises from fingertips on her skin. She crawled under the covers when she was naked. With him next to her to keep her warm and safe she didn't need her sleeping shirt that hung over the chair in the corner.

Nevada stripped out of his clothes too. In the dim light of her bedside lamp Ella could see smudged pink lipstick on his neck and chest, and scratches of fake fingernails on his upper arms, shoulders, and upper back. On every other day Ella would've kicked him out as some sort of proud punishment but not tonight. She snuggled into his side as soon as possible, guiding his arms around her to make her feel safe and protected.

* * *

 

Ella couldn't sleep. Whenever she drifted off into a light slumber, she was pulled out of it by a new memory of Catalina Diaz' warm smile, her soft hands when she cradled her cheeks, the Spanish songs she had taught her when Rafael had already left her. Catalina had taken care of her when no one else had still been around for her.

Nevada didn't ask her again after what had happened. He only tightened the embrace and kissed the crown of her head. She would have to tell him. She wanted to attend the funeral … without him, of course. Maybe Tomás could accompany her. He was her favorite thug, if there even was something like that.

She got up around 6 am when she really couldn't stay in bed any longer. Ella went downstairs into the kitchen to prepare herself a cup of tea in order to calm her nerves again. Her limbs were feeling heavy, her chest tight, her head pounding. Ella didn't want to take a pill against it. She didn't do drugs anymore.

Nevada was right. She had been a dirty whore on crack when he had met her. Or rather when she had showed up on his porch at the age of 24, offering herself to him because her dealers -who had worked for him- wouldn't give her something against her _pain_ for the three dollar she had in her pocket. He had taken care of her and build her up to become the woman she was today. Ella literally owed him her life and her loyalty for it.

“Hey, ehm, Ella,” she heard behind her and turned her head over her shoulder to see Tomás entering the kitchen. “Can I talk to you for a moment?”

Ella nodded silently. “Sorry I pointed a gun at you yesterday. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have shot you.”

He brushed it off with a move of his hand and stood next to her, leaning against the counter. “I guess, you had your reasons to go. Can I ask where you were?”

“Why? Nevada already knows so you can't blackmail me with anything.”

“People never could, huh? You have always been loyal to him.”

Ella furrowed her brows. They had never really had a conversation with each other. This newly found interest from him made her suspicious.

“I have a little sister, you know that?”

“No.” Ella sipped her tea carefully and watched him closely. One wrong movement and he would have the hot liquid all over his face. She might ''just'' be a woman but she knew how to defend herself if she needed to.

“She's a good girl, a smart one. She wants to go to uni when she's done with high school this year.”

Why was he telling her this?

“You're smart too.” Ella didn't move a muscle when she continued to listen to him. “You could go to uni too. Study something and make a living.”

“He would never let me do that,” she whispered after a long pause.

Tomás leaned closer, looked over his shoulder to make sure there was nobody eavesdropping from the hallway before he whispered, “Maybe you should've stayed wherever you fled to last night.”

“What's going on here?” Gabriel suddenly asked and stood in the door frame with a suspicious look on his face. “Creeping up to the boss's bitch? Got a death wish, or what?”

Ella glared at him and took another sip of her tea. Tomás stepped back from her, nodded to his crotch, and snorted, “At least I don't flash her.”

Gabriel must've just gotten out of bed. He was still just wearing his boxer shorts and they didn't hide enough of what Gabriel was pretty proud of when it came to impressing girls. The three exchanged careful glances. They knew that if Nevada had a bad day each one of them could go through their personal hell offered by the master of the house.

Ella still had Gabriel in her hand with her knowledge that he had stolen from Nevada. Gabriel could tell Nevada that he had brought her to the DA's office a few days ago so that he would believe that Ella, indeed, had something going on with Rafael that went beyond being old … _friends_. And then there was Tomás. He had never really seemed like he cared much about Ella and her relationship with his boss. He had kept his distance most of the time and minded his own business. His newly developed interest was … weird but she still liked him better than Gabriel.

“Did I miss a memo, or what? What are you pendejos doing here? Get dressed and start working! What am I paying you for?” Nevada asked behind Gabriel and made the bulky man wince under the stern tone of his voice. The two thugs hurried into their own rooms with a silent “Sorry, boss” on each of their lips and left him and Ella alone in the kitchen.

“You okay?”

She nodded and looked into her half empfy tea cup.

“Are you going to tell my now what happened last night?”

Ella didn't really want to but she had to in order to smooth the edges between them again. “I was angry at you for bringing that girl into our house.”

“This is my house.”

“And am I not your girlfriend? Am I not the woman by your side? Is this here not my home just as much as yours?” she asked with a thin, tired voice, looking up into his face.

“What happened?”

She let out a long, heavy sigh. He didn't seem to be interested to hear her initial reasons to leave. Maybe after she had told him about why she practically broke down in front of him. “A very good friend died yesterday. Someone I haven't seen in years but who I loved dearly.”

“Who?”

“Catalina Diaz.” Nevada prompted her with a questioning look to tell him more. “She was Rafael Barba's grandmother. I … I spent a lot of time with her as a child.”

“And with him too.”

The tone of his voice had turned darker. He was searching for any sign of affirmation for whatever he thought she had wronged him with.

“He was my babysitter.”

“And now he's one of New Yorks best ADAs. What a nice career change although maybe he still wants to put you to bed?”

“Stop being suggestive and -”

Nevada slapped the cup out of her hand and let it shatter on the floor tiles.

“You don't tell me what to do, carino,” he growled and moved in her personal space, dominanting her with only his height and presence. Ella avoided his eyes. She wanted to massage the hurting skin on her hand but didn't dare to move. “If I ever find out you're fucking him or as much as see him behind my back, you'll wish I had left you to your drugs, entiendes?”

“I..”

Ella could feel him radiate heat and anger. “What?” he hissed and moved so close his face was only an inch from hers.

“I would like to attend the funeral.”

Nevada studied her for a second, then another. Ella wasn't sure what he would do next. She had never given him a reason to believe she was cheating on him so this was new and he actually frightened her for the very first time. He had also never threatened her with a gun like last night.

“I will come with you,” he eventually replied and wanted to leave.

“No.” He stopped and turned around again. His face was dark and unmistakingly meant to intimidate her. It worked but only to a certain extent and having him show up when Rafael was probably most vulnerable was something she wouldn't allow. She'd rather not go herself if that was the only alternative.

“What?” he asked silently.

“Send someone else but I don't want you to be there.”

Ella couldn't react fast enough when he returned to her and grabbed her by the neck, squeezing hard.

“You don't tell me what to do. I'm not in a good mood today and you keep pushing me. You know I don't wanna hurt you but I will, if I have to to make you go back on track.”

“You do hurt me,” she whispered with a breathy voice and a scared look on her face. He released her from his grip immediately and took a step back. “You hurt me with every woman you betray me with.” 

Nevada was about to retort something nasty to that-she knew it by th way his face changed into a heartless grimace- but Tomás interrupted him, telling him they were ready and waited for him outside in the car.

“No, you stay with her and make sure he doesn't do something stupid until I'm back,” he ordered before he left Ella alone in the kitchen. Tomás was trying to avoid looking at her when she stared to collect the porcelain fragments from the floor.

“Maybe I should've stayed where I was,” Ella whispered so quietly that she was sure he hadn't heard her. Rafael would've never done that. Intimidated and threatened her. She could feel her heart pound in her chest when she thought of Rafael, seeing him as the white knight that could save her from the monster she lived with. Had she really been so wrong? Had she lost herself in the comfortable life Nevada had provided for her but had never lived with her ... together?

Ella had never been afraid of the man she claimed she was in love with, who self claimed that she was important to him, was the only one who mattered to him. But Ella found herself asking if he was still important to her and if he was still the only man who mattered for her.

 


	7. Cemetery

“You don't want me to go to the funeral?”

“No,” Ella answered when Nevada came home in the evening. He smelled of gun powder and cheap perfume. She didn't care any more. “You have nothing to do there.”

“I would accompany my girlfriend.”

Your convenient whore, she corrected him in her head and didn't bother looking away from the food she was cooking.

“Send someone else or forget about it.”

“Are you trying to tell me what to do, again?” he growled right behind her. Ella put down the spoon in her hand and closed her eyes. She expected his hand in her neck again or maybe he would shove her head against the counter top? What he did was surprising her. His hands lay down on her hips when he pressed his lips on one of the bruises on her neck he had left this morning. How could he be so gentle and yet so aggressive? Ella felt like she was stuck in a rollercoaster with him clawing her down into the seat whenever she wanted to get out.

“No, Nevada, I learned my lesson,” she whispered with a shaking voice. He kissed her neck a bit more, burying his face in her hair and taking deep breaths.

“Gabriel will go with you,” he decided eventually and pulled away before he could lose himself in her intoxicating scent. Ella let out the breath she didn't realize she had held in and relaxed again. Gabriel wouldn't act up, just sit in the car and not disturb the ceremony. Good. Ella nodded in acknowledgement and only hoped that maybe Rafael would send her a notice for the funeral.

* * *

 

The next morning, Nevada stayed home and handed her a letter over the breakfast table. The notice.

“When?” he asked with a little jam on his upper lip.

“In two days, on Tuesday.”

He nodded slowly. Ella could feel his eyes on her, burning into her skin, searching for one wrong tilt of her head or a misplaced sigh. She'd controlled herself for ten years now. Was he really stupid enough to believe that would suddenly change just because Rafael was back in her life? Nevada was already suspecting something. She was almost offended that he would actually think her so dumb to let the curtains fall at a time like this.

Ella had tried to remember when she had last been happy. With or without him. She honestly couldn't remember. Nevada was talking to her, she could hear his words but they were too far away for her to be understood. When he stood up and kissed her on the crown of her head she snapped out of her thoughts.

“What did you say?” she whispered.

“I said that I'll be gone for the rest of the day.”

Ella whispred an “okay” and only let the tears fall when she heard he had left. She knew he hadn't left her all alone. There was at least one of his nameless thugs somewhere in the house to watch her. Well, he was probably playing a video game or flirted via phone, lounging in the living room. Ella was thankful that he didn't seem to care when she practically ran upstairs in her room and collapsed on her bed, crying her heart out.

Nevada left her to her grief the next days. He had never been much of a cuddler and comfort was hard to get from him. Even after her miscarriage he had never pulled her into a hug of soothed her when she had bursted out in tears at the dining table.

On Tuesday Nevada didn't even bother waking her before he left for his daily business. Ella felt drained and couldn't bring herself to care anymore. When he was there, her mind was somewhere else, when he wasn't it was the same.

Gabriel had moaned about playing her chauffeur for the day. Of course not in front of Nevada. He was stupid but not _that_ stupid. Ella let him complain on their way to the cemetery. She had skipped the service in the church Catalina had married over 50 years ago. Ella didn't feel lieke she belonged into a church anymore, especially not after she had invited the devil in her bed.

“You stay here,” Ella ordered when they arrived at the cemetery.

“Nevada said to keep an eye on you.”

“Then look out of the window but you don't go over there or I will tell Nevada everything I know about you,” she hissed viciously with a glare. Nobody from her life would come close to Rafael or Lucia!

Ella slammed the car door shut behind her and took a deep breath before she walked over to the little group of people gathering around an old priest and an open grave.

She was actually afraid of the moment when Rafael would finally notice her. She had simply left the night his mother had called him. Ella could only assume how angry he was because he knew exactly who she had returned to. And then she hadn't even attended the service. Ella felt like a dog and it was getting worse the closer she came to him.

She could feel her hands start getting sweaty and her heartbeat grow faster with every step. Ella was shaking when she settled on standing a few yards away from the actual funeral. With big sun glasses she tried to hide her red, puffy eyes. The sky was filled with deep hanging, grey clouds that threatened to open their gates every second. It wouldn't surprise Ella if even the heavens started to cry over Catalina Diaz' death.

It didn't take long until Rafael detected her from the corner of his eye. Ella could feel it. Lucia was blinking against her tears. The old friends of her mother were blocking the view for her but not for her son. He looked at her with blood shot eyes. Ella's breath caught in her throat when the casket was lowered into the ground.

That's it, she thought, the end of an existence. The end of everyone's being. How undignifying, Ella's inner voice sneered, to be on the same level as rapists and murderers as soon as the soul left the flesh. She shouldn't have come here, she figured and turned around to leave when her chest suddenly started to feel painfully tight.

“Wait,” she heard behind her, just as she was about to enter the black SUV again. Rafael stood a few yards away, cautiously looking at Gabriel behind the steering wheel. He squinted his eyes to see if someone else was also sitting in the back seat.

“Let's get home,” Gabriel growled but was only met with her slamming the door shut again before she walked back to Rafael. Her eyes never left the path right in front of her feet.

“I didn't expected you to actually come here today,” he said in a low voice to make sure Gabriel couldn't hear them, “Especially not after you went back to him. Did he hurt you?”

Yes, she wanted to scream and clutch herself to his chest so that he would keep her safe. But Ella shook her head and took a deep breath. “I wanted to pay her my respect … and Nevada had to work today.”

It wasn't exactly a lie but he would've come with her if not for her protest. She didn't dare to look into Rafael's face out of fear she could see disgust for her weakness and horrible decisions.

“Thank you for coming.”

“I owed her at least that for what she did for me.” Ella blinked against the tears that started to build up in her eyes. “I'm sorry but I can't stay any longer. Goodbye, Rafael.”

She was just turning around when he grabbed her upper arm and pulled her out of Gabriel's sight behind a tree. The thug was turning nervous but remained seated. She wouldn't be dumb enough to run away with that dandy. Nevada knew everything he needed to know to destroy him if necessary.

“Are you sure you don't want to come with us to the funeral reception? Ella, you look like you could take a bit of company of people without guns tugged in their waistbands. I'm just asking you for an hour. Please.”

Ella swallowed against the lump in her throat and looked into his eyes. They were shining with a thin layer of tears. But there was also this … urge that was new. “Please.”

Just as she was about to decline his plea, Lucia came over and pulled her to her chest without saying a word. It was a tight hug, one that Ella had craved for ever since Rafael had told her of his abuelita's death. There was no denying in the relief she felt washing over her. Rafael hadn't seen her slowly lose grip and eventually drift into drug addiction. Lucia had and she still loved her as if she was her own daughter.

“You're coming with us. We have a little memorial for mami in the restaurant papi had always taken her.”

When she pulled away again after what felt like eternity but still not long enough for Ella, the older woman took off Ella's sunglasses to look her into her eyes properly. There had been no question in her statement. Ella was to come with Lucia and her son and she really wanted to but …

“Ella, we have to get back,” Gabriel prompted her from behind her. Rafael was glaring at him, his eyes glowing with undisguised hatred.

“I ..” Ella felt Lucia's hands around her upper arms grip tighter like she wouldn't let go of her any time soon. Slowly, she turned around to Gabriel scanning his body language. He was making himself bigger than he already was, towering over everyone on this cemetery. “I'm not done yet. There's still a memorial.”

“He said the funeral and that's it.”

“If you touch her, you'll regret it,” Rafael threatened in a low, rasping voice. Gabriel clenched his teeth. He could simply grab her and shove her into the car but if he accidentally hurt her, Nevada would give him hell. Or he could finish that pendejo off. His gun was always on his body. But killing an ADA for Nevada's girl? No. Too many witnesses for not enough money.

“I have to watch you.” Deciding to ignore the other man completely, he only focussed on her. She couldn't be that stupid!

“You have to remember what will happen if I tell Nevada what I know,” Ella warned him, her face turning as dark as Rafael's.

Gabriel's face suddenly became a bit paler. Ella felt Lucia pull her towards Rafael's car parked only a few yards away.

“Fuck, he'll finish me off if I leave you alone with ..” Gabriel nodded to Rafael like he was something filthy, before he sighed and continued, “Just be home before he does, okay? No traces, no marks, no evidence, or he'll send us both to hell, entiendes?”

The distress that shone through in his words was enough to soften her up a bit again. In the end Ella nodded slightly and climbed in the back of Rafael's car together with Lucia, followed by Rafael. His mother was holding her shaking hand when they passed Gabriel and the SUV. Ella swallowed thickly when she slowly realized that she had just deliberately disobeyed Nevada for the first time.

If he ever found out he wouldn't let her tears appease his anger. If Gabriel talked, he would sign her death warrant … and his own too, so there was still hope.

“You're safe now, niña,” Lucia whispered and guided Ella's head to rest on her chest. She could feel the older woman's soft hand stroke up and down her back but the only thing Ella was really paying attention to was the man driving her farther and farther away from Gabriel, the car, the cemetery and everything that was trying to choke her. She was safe, but only for a few hours.


	8. Restaurant

The memorial was a sweet little celebration with a lot of stories about Catalina, her husband and even the young Lucia. It was like diving back into another world Ella had left many years ago. Sadly, the older guests were soon tired and left for home and Lucia wanted to provide Rafael and Ella a little time alone although she was visibly happy to see Ella again.

“Mami would've loved to see you again. She loved you dearly,” Lucia said right next to Ella's ear when she hugged her tightly.

“And I loved her,” Ella replied with glistening eyes and hugged her almost as tightly back as a goodbye. When Rafael and her were the only ones left the air was suddenly heavy with the topic they finally needed to break. Nevada.

“You don't love him anymore,” he broke the uncomfortable silence that had set in. They were sitting across from each other at a small table in the corner of the small Cuban restaurant. Ella wanted to say no out of habit and nothing more but remained silent. Rafael reached over the table and touched her cold hands. “You don't owe him anything, you know?”

“No, I do. You weren't here to see my downfall.”

“My mother told me after I said that I had met you again ..and she didn't leave a single detail out.”

Ella looked at him with wide eyes. She wanted to pull her hands away and flee out of shame but Rafael wouldn't let go of her just yet.

“Don't run away again … and please don't slap me like you did in the drugstore. That really hurt by the way.”

“Sorry, but I was mad at you,” she mumbled, avoiding his eyes.

“And I guess you had every right to be from your perspective.” He started to massage the back of her hands with his thumbs. He had always had warm hands and that hadn't changed. And that simple gesture was the most tender touch Ella had received by a man in a long time. “Everyone can see that you are unhappy.”

“And you are the one who will make me smile again?” she mumbled and looked down to their joined hands on the table.

“I could try,” Rafael whispered lowly, tightening his grasp just a second. Ella's head snapped up with her eyes as wide as saucers. Was he actually suggesting that she should dump Nevada, a druglord and -after his own words- murderer, to be with him? Or was she just misinterpreting his words? Did he just see her as some kind of a younger sister he needed to protect? Was it really that important?

“And when something about your career comes along you'll forget about me again?” It had happened before, so why shouldn't it happen a second time? Only this time she would have gained some enemies on the way.

“I won't let you down again.” Rafael's voice was barely more than a whisper. It was a promise and one she really wanted to believe. It was getting dark outside and she needed to get home or she and Gabriel would experience a very painful punishment.

“Can you guarantee me that? What if you lose interest in me again? Don't you have a girlfriend who would be very jealous if you start taking care of another woman?”

“I don't have a girlfriend and I'm not dating anyone at the moment. I'm a free man with a well paying job and the only one who ever believed I could ever make something out of myself got buried today.” His voice was getting stained with the heaviness of his grief. He pulled his hands from hers and pressed his palms against his burning eyes for a second before he took a few deep breaths.

“I have to go home, Rafael,” Ella said in a low voice and swallowed against the lump that was forming in her throat.

“No, you don't. You could leave all this behind you.”

“And where shall I live?” Ella could feel her eyes getting wetter by the second. The realization that he would probably soon give up on her was hurting her but it was for the better. Rather hurting now than later when she had lost everything she had now. After Nevada had first made out with a woman in front of her nose she had already thought about leaving him but how? Ella had no money, no references she would need to get a job and Nevada would find and destroy her no matter where she fled to.

“You could stay with me, in my apartment. I have a guest room,” he said sternly.

“And what will I do to pay my rent?” Ella leaned back and crossed her arms over her chest. True, she had a relatively good high school degree thanks to Lucia and Catalina but she had never worked. She had started making the wrong friends in her senior year and from there it had all went straight downhill for her!

“You could … do stuff for me?” he suggested with a helpless shrug and was met with an incredulous look. He couldn't be serious!

“Like I do for Nevada?” she hissed, angry and disappointed in him, before she got up. With a single move of her hand she grabbed her coat and knocked over her glass of water when got up to leave the restaurant. Ella couldn't bring herself to care. She had been here way too long already.

“Please wait, Ella. I didn't mean it like that!” she heard him behind her when she was outside on the sidewalk. His hand around her upper arm was what eventually made her stop.

“Then what did you mean?” she screamed at him with angry tears in her eyes.

“I meant nothing with that! I want to help you!”

“Yeah, that's what you always do. Is it my turn now? Finally?” Ella shouted at him, “My life is a complete mess and you bursting through the window out of nowhere didn't make it anything better! You are 15 years too late, Rafael! Where were you when I sold my body for drugs as a 18-year old? Where were you when my mum died and I was all alone? I had no one while I saw your pictures in the news papers with men in tuxedos and women with diamond earrings!”

Rafael was standing there in front of her with wide eyes. He tried to find the right words but couldn't find them. He had lost!

“You remembered me too late, Rafael. I loved you madly and you simply decided to live another life without looking back just once.”

“That's not true. I always remembered where I came from and I kept coming back whenever I could.”  
Ella started screaming at him high pitched out of pure rage. “I just told you I loved you and you didn't even listen!”

Rafael reached for her shoulders and pulled her towards him, not being sure what he would do the second her breasts made contact with his chest. So they just stayed in that position for what felt like hours. Ella was way too surprised to react. Her mind was blank, her anger washed away just like that. His breath on her cheek was hot and damp while the snow started falling around them.

“I listened, Ella, and I knew it but you were just a child,” Rafael whispered. She could feel every word he said just like the pounding of his heart inside his chest or was it hers? Ella honestly couldn't tell.

“I'm not a child anymore,” she replied in a breathy voice, her eyes flicking between his eyes and his lips. She had never been so close to him before.

Suddenly there was a loud honk on the street behind her and her heart stopped thinking Nevada might have found her. Ella took two big steps back from Rafael, looking around terrified.

Nevada! What was she doing here? She had a boyfriend! One that would, understandably, be pissed if she was seen flirting with another man in public. God, she had almost kissed Rafael! On the open street! With hundreds of people able to witness!

Ella muttered a fast “goodbye, Rafael” and practically ran towards a cab that was just stopping a few yards away to let out another guest. She heard Rafael call her name but didn't look back once. She couldn't let herself act like this, not with Nevada already suspecting that she was planning something behind his back.

Only inside the cab she could breathe properly again.

“Where to?” the indian looking driver asked with a thick accent.

“Washington Heights.” Her home.

 


	9. Townhouse III

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A very short chapter but the next one is going to compensate the missing length of this one.

When she arrived home, Ella was in stealth mode. She hoped Nevada wasn't home yet and if, then maybe she could explain to him what had happened. Hopefully, she would get away with a metaphorical black eye.

Ella wanted to sneak upstairs but was stopped when she passed the living room.

“Fucking halleluljah,” Gabriel hissed and shot up from the couch he had lounged on with Tomás and another thug, “do you even know how lucky you are?”

“Is he home?”

Gabriel pointed at Tomás. “Does it look like he's still out? When did he last leave the house without any of us, chica?”

Ella felt her heart stop. “So, he knows I was gone without you?”

She needed to talk to him and hoped she would still be able to soften the edges.

“Is he upstairs?” she whispered in a hushed voice without waiting for an answer to her previous question.

“Yeah, he is but you should better not disturb him,” Tomás answered with his eyes still fixed on the flat tv screen.

“Why not?”

Gabriel took a deep breath. The lustful scream that travelled down the staircase was answer enough. He was with another woman? Again?

“He waltzed into his bedroom straightaway when they came home … to our both luck, Ella. What the fuck is wrong with you? Do you want to get both of us killed? Just grab a fucking razor or take a handful of pills if you want to die but leave me out of it!”

Ella shook her head quickly, trying to comprehend that even after she had told Nevada how much he hurt her when he slept with other women, he would still bring another girl into “her” house. The screams were turning more erratic upstairs.

“And here we go again,” the other thug on the sofa murmured with a roll of his eyes, “that's what? Orgasm number three?”

“Four,” Tomás corrected him not seeing the disappointment and hurt it created on Ella's face. Only Gabriel saw it and actually looked like he was sorry for her.

Ella snapped that exact moment. She ran upstairs, dug inside her bedroom and grabbed her still packed, giant handbag she hadn't touched every since coming back from her first “visit” at Rafael's. Ella knew the gun must still be inside it and she wasn't sure she wouldn't use it tonight. Maybe on that bitch that was definitely faking it in the other room!

Gabriel stood by the door watching her carefully. “What the fuck are you doing?”

“I'm leaving.”

“Oh, not again. C'mon don't make a scene and just come downstairs and watch that Real Housewives shit Tomás is obsessed with.”

Not the right day to mess with her, Ella thought and aimed the gun at him after she pulled it out her handbag. Gabriel wasn't as impressed with having a gun pointed at him as Tomás had been three days ago.

“You even know how to use that?” Gabriel snorted with a lifted eyebrow.

“You fucking taught me yourself, already forgotten?”

Oh-oh, Gabriel thought. Ella could see it on his face when she got a bit paler.

“You don't wanna do that.”

“You have no idea what I want,” Ella sneered, her voice dripping with venom.

“I know you want that ADA.”

“If you only as much as touch him, I will not tell Nevada what you did, I will finish you off myself and, I swear, it will not be over quick,” she spat at him with a fierce look in her eyes. Ella lifted the gun and actually shot at him, missing his head only a few inches on purpose. The recoil reminding her of the night of the messed up deal only two and a half weeks ago, the night she had met Rafael again. She saw the eyes of the man she had shot in order to save Nevada's life. What a waste, her inner voice shouted furiously.

This had an impact on Gabriel, enough to make his face go blank and even the lustful screaming from the other side of the wall temporarily stopped.

“Are you loco? You could've killed me!”

“Let me leave or I will,” Ella warned and saw the bulky man step aside for her to pass him on her way down the stairs. Tomás and the other thug from the living room, alarmed by the sound of the shot, stood by the door watching with wide eyes how Ella simply left through the front door.

None of them was willing to disturb Nevada and tell him what had happened, although, they knew that the longer they waited the worse it would get.

Ella put the gun away when she was around the corner and ran through backyards and small allies until her lungs hurt and she was sure that she had lost every potential chaser. The next cab she saw brought her back to Rafael's apartment. Back to a safe place.

 


	10. Apartment II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The promised longer chapter and thanks to this the story should actually be labeled "Explicit" buuuut "Mature" is pretty fitting as well. Enjoy!

When Ella arrived, the doorman wasn't such a great asshole, but still wouldn't let her get upstairs without calling ahead first.

 

On her way up Ella could feel her heart beat so fast that it felt like a galloping horse was trapped inside her chest. In the cab she had already come to the conclusion that if Nevada slept around she could do the same and the only one she ever wanted was Rafael.

He looked tired when he was waiting for her at his apartment door.

“Ella, I-”

She didn't let him finish. Ella let her handbagslide from her shoulder before she flung her arms around his neck and pressed her lips on his. He made a little surprised noise but his hands moving around her waist to hold her close to him was proof enough that he wouldn't push her away. The kiss first turned soft than broke, letting them both thirst for more.

“Will you let me in?” Ella whispered with hooded eyes. Rafael picked up her discarded handbag without letting his other hand leave the small of her back. After he guided her inside, Rafael dived in for another kiss. She could taste the aged bourbon she saw standing on the coffee table in the living room on his lips and tongue. Rafael's hands moved from the small of her back downwards to cup her ass, giving it a good squeeze. God, she loved his big hands!

Ella opened her mouth and moaned when his tongue met hers. This wasn't really how she had expected their first time to be but almost nothing in her life had worked out as planned. Why should it be different now? She knew the kiss couldn't last forever and, yes, it was over way too fast.

“Are you too drunk?” Ella breathed against his lips, their foreheads touching.

“No,” Rafael answered in a husky voice.

“Bedroom?” She pressed her chest against his, their hearts galloping together now. If Nevada had his fun tonight she could do the same, Ella told herself over and over again when Rafael pulled her down the hallway into his bedroom.

They threw the door shut behind them. Ella was still wearing her dress from the funeral. She couldn't wait until Rafael would tear it off of her. He seemed to read her mind when those lovely hands got to work on the zipper on her back while he resumed kissing her beautiful lips.

He was a good kisser, tender and demanding at the same time. Ella raked her fingers through his hair. It was softer than Nevada's with less gel in it. Heavenly.

“Are you sure you want this?” Rafael asked between kisses just as Ella pulled his shirt out of the waistband of his expensive dress pants.

 “Yes, I am.”

And she kissed him again, passionately, to  ****prove **** ****her point. Rafael moaned against her lips and pulled her dress off to grope her ass properly now. She sighed in response and threw her head back, offering him her neck to kiss, bite and nibble however he saw fit. She wanted him to mark her. She wanted Nevada to know what she had done when she would return in the morning.

Ella sighed when he started kissing down a trail from her ear to her breasts. Her head was swimming. This was almost too good to be true. He was so different from Nevada and she loved it more than she had ever expected.

Rafael pulled away to get a good look of the beauty in his bedroom and groaned throatily when he saw her dark red lace underwear. It looked amazing against her dark skin. Everything would've made her look like a goddess. She was just breathtaking in his eyes.

Ella helped him out of his clothes and pushed him backwards onto the bed when he was down to his underwear as well. She straddled him, pulling his head towards her chest, the feeling of his hands as they ran up and down her exposed sides. He sucked in air sharply when she grinded her pussy against his hard cock, only separated from her through two thin layers of fabric.

“Dios, I want you,” he whispered against the swell of her breasts and started fidgeting with the claps of her bra. It was gone after a few futile tries and mutual laughter before she helped him. Ella threw her head back with a loud moan when he started sucking on her hard nipples.

This was really happening, she thought, she was having sex with Rafael Barba! A loud laugh escaped her and she looked down at him. His face was flushed and a few hairs on his hairline were curling up from his sweat.

Ella cradled his face with her hands and pulled his lips away from her erect nipples upwards to her lips. She could taste the salt from his sweat now mixing with the expensive bourbon from before. An intoxicating mixture that could drive a woman crazy. Her moan did the same to him. Rafael spun them both around, taking Ella's breath away for a second when he was on top of her.

They knew they could never go back from where they would go if they didn't stop now. Ella looked deep into Rafael's eyes, searching for a single hint of doubt in them. It was there but there was also something else next to desire and that little splinter of the doubt she was feeling too. It almost seemed like he didn't want her for only a night. He wanted more. Was it love? Was it wishful thinking? Was it just a reflection of her own eyes in his? Did it matter right now?

“What is it?” Rafael whispered above her. His brows slightly furrowed and his eyes worried.

I love you, Ella thought. She could taste the words on her tongue, felt herself open her mouth and breathe in to tell him. She didn't say a word. When his frown deepened, Ella panicked. She didn't want him to worry or call this off. Her whole life she had waited for this moment!

Her body reacted where her mind was blank. Ella's arms snaked around his shoulders and pulled his head down to meet her lips once more. It was a soft kiss meant to show that he had nothing to worry about and that she was fine. Her legs wrapped themselves around his middle before she grinded her crotch against the hard proof that he wanted this here too.

She was answered with a throaty groan from him. Rafael dipped his head into the crook of her neck and

started sucking on the skin right under her right ear. They moved in a mutual rhythm, moaning against each other's skin.

Ella's head was floating with endorphins. Rafael slowly moved down her body, kissing her collar bone, sternum, belly, and eventually the inside of her thighs. Her panties were soaked through with desire by now. Through the drumming of her heartbeat in her ears she could hear another animalistic groan from the man between her spread legs.

With heavy lidded eyes, Ella looked down at his dilatedeyes and flared nostrils. Rafael stroked his hands over the soft skin of her thighs and hips. Consciously keeping away from her pussy. There was a wicked expression on his face as he teased her by scratching his fingernails closer and closer to her aching pussy, a few times he even traced the outline of her panties but never really touched her where she needed his touch.

“Please, Rafael,” she panted, completely out of breath just by the sensation of being so close to him, feeling his body heat radiate from his skin, getting goose bumps from his breath ghosting over her sweat covered skin.

Rafael didn't make her ask a second time. He slowly slid his thumbs under the waistband of her panties and pulled them down Ella's legs. Her folds where glistening wet and her scent made his cock twitch in anticipation. This was no longer the little girl he knew. This was a woman … and one he couldn't stop thinking about ever since he had seen her again.

Ella's eyes were pleading him not to let her wait any longer. With a single movement he got rid of his boxers and reached over to his nightstand to get a condom. He was already leaking precum. Ella reached for him, running her fingers through the curls on his chest while he prepared himself.

Rafael positioned the tip of his cock in line with her entrance and looked at her for approval one last time before he slowly buried himself inch by inch inside her. Ella arched her back and moaned loudly in pure ecstasy.

When he started moving inside her, Ella was already at the brink of shattering from lust. 20 years! She had waited two decades to feel his hips between her thighs, his balls smacking against her buttocks with every thrust, and his rhythm getting faster and faster, driving her insane.

Ella linked her ankles behind his back and drove him deeper inside her. She pulled his head back down so that she could kiss him, suck on his tongue and graze her teeth over his lower lip. Her lust was turning into desperation when she could taste her orgasm already on the tip of her tongue. With a hard push, she rolled them both over. The sudden change of position flustered Rafael but where Nevada would've pushed her off of him and fucked her like a worthless whore from behind, pushing her head into the pillows and smacking her ass, Rafael only adjusted by resting flat on his back and massaging her hips with those gorgeous hands.

With her on top Ella could chase that orgasm that was only barely out of reach. Rafael's fingers around her hips guided her movements but she was in control … and she loved it. Nevada never let her do that. She thrust down harder; he met her with his hips in the same frantic rhythm.

She let out a loud moan after a particularly deep thrust hitting the perfect spot deep inside her. Her clit brushed against his pubic bone sending her closer to the edge.

“I'm gonna come, Ella,” Rafael panted, running his hands up her sides and down her back again. He groped her ass and pulled her down onto him harder. The room was filled with the sound of heavy breathing and skin hitting skin in a fast, passionate beat. Ella shook her head. She couldn't say a single word, dancing on the edge of her orgasm.

When he rolled them over again it took Ella by surprise. Her shocked gasp turned into a light laugh before Rafael started moving again. Their bellies rubbing against each other, his breath dampening her skin. Single drops of sweat falling from his nose and chin before landing on her lips and throat was winding her up even more.

“I can't wait any longer,” Rafael growled and thrust harder, “Come with me. I want to feel you come undone under me. Ella.”

The way her name fell from his lips send a shower down her spine. The sounds and scents in the room driving her even further. She clawed herself onto him when with a final thrust he came inside her. The drawn out growl from deep within him and the sensation of his twitching cock buried deep inside her pussy finally pushed her over the edge. Ella sobbed in pure bliss, losing herself in the moment that seemed to last forever and was still over too fast.

Ella lay under him and felt him catching his breath against her neck. She savoured in the feeling of his weight on her. He smelled fantastic; the faint traces of his expensive aftershave mixed with their sweat and the smell of sex filled her lungs.

Rafael kissed her collar bone when she slowly came down from his orgasmic high, and lay down beside her. Ella snuggled into his chest and **reveled** in the closeness to him, especially in the fact that Rafael pulled her closer than she had even dared to come on her own.

The room was dark except for the dim light of a bedside lamp and Ella almost fell asleep but she couldn't.

She needed to be home before Nevada got even angrier than he probably already was. She had taken her revenge by cheating on him, now she needed to fix what was broken. He was still her boyfriend and she owed him so much. His little adventure should be over by now and as much as Ella hated the thought to leave Rafael again, she had to leave to keep him safe. Nevada wouldn't be able to stop once he saw red and went on a jealous rage.

His cunning mind would shut off, leaving him with nothing but anger and the longing for bloody revenge to bathe in.

“I have to go,” she whispered and sat up after a few minutes. In the dim light she saw his green eyes lose a bit of their shine.

“No, you don't.”

“I should've never let this go so far.”

Ella started searching for her discarded clothes when she heard Rafael's calm but stern voice behind her, “You don't have to be with him. You could be with me.”

Oh what she would have given to hear those words all those years ago and now she couldn't follow the yearning in her chest that was trying to squeeze the life out of her heart.

Ella ignored the thudding feeling and got dressed. She would have to take a shower first thing she was home, hoping that Nevada would be somewhere else. It wasn't very likely but Ella was sure that he wouldn't hurt her physically.

Well, then again. Ella had already thought that he would never point a gun at her and had been wrong. But she would take all of Nevada's rage if it only meant that Rafael wouldn't be harmed.

“I won't let you leave and go back to this man!” Rafael claimed when Ella was on her way to the apartment door, her bag still lay next to it on the floor. He grabbed her by the arm when she didn't even look at him. Quickly, she pulled her gun out of her handbag and aimed at the second man this night.

“Why do I always have to threaten to shoot somebody so that I can leave?” she cried, her hands shaking. In only a few minutes everything had turned into a giant mess again. This up and down made her short-tempered. Never in her life had she imagined she would ever aim a gun at Rafael. At the man she really loved.

Rafael looked at her with fear clearly written over his face when he held up his hands and swallowed thickly. “Pointing a gun at an ADA is a felony, Ella. Put it down again. You don't want to do this.”

“What? Do you really think I would shoot you? Have you even paid attention to anything I told you today or to what we just did?”

She felt her chest tighten even more and her eyes burn. Why was everything she touched turning into a mess? This wasn't how she had expected this to go. Quickly, she breathed in through her nose and blinked away the rising tears from her eyes. “Just let me go again.”

“I listened to everything you said and that's why I can't let you leave. He isn't worth a single second of your time. And after what we just did I think you know that I'm the better choice.”

“Are you?” she snapped and lowered the gun again. Rafael was taken aback by her question. “Nevada was there for me when I had most needed you.”

“At least I'm not a killer,” Rafael answered with a sharp tone.

“What if I told you I was one?”

Ella couldn't tell him that she just did this to protect him and in the end his career. She wasn't exactly the kind of woman you wanted to be involved with the future DA of Manhattan or a judge. He narrowed his eyes. “I would call you a liar. You aren't a killer, Ella.”  
She wanted to throw up. She was a murderer. He would be shattered when he would eventually find out that she wasn't lying to him.

“But I am,” she whispered with a quivering voice, the lump in her throat making it hard to speak.

Before he could say another word, Ella turned around and fled out of the apartment. Her heart was beating fast. When she had been running away from Nevada's house only a few hours ago she had felt the same way.

Running and running and running, Ella thought on her way down in the elevator. When would she ever arrive somewhere she could call home?


	11. Townhouse IV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much, Johanna, for checking my last chapter. You're amazing!
> 
>  
> 
> And in this chapter some heavy stuff happens ... enjoy!

Ella had no desire to get home too soon. She asked the taxi driver to drive her straight home but couldn't bring herself to leave the car in front of the house. Her hands were shaking like a leaf. She knew she only delayed the inevitable. Ella had to face Nevada and now he had a reason for his wrath. Maybe he would kill her as soon as she closed the door behind her.

Sudden panic made her heart beat even faster than it already did. She could still just run away. Leave everything behind and start a new life somewhere in the middle of Nebraska as a Spanish teacher or maybe a nanny. She had always been good with kids. Maybe that was the best idea she had had in ten fucking years.

No, Nevada would find her but before that, he would let out his anger at Rafael. She couldn't let that happen. With weak knees, the scent of sex and Rafael's expensive cologne still lingering on her, Ella got out of the car and entered the townhouse.

Tomás and Gabriel were in the kitchen, their conversation dying down as soon as they heard her closing the door behind her. The looks they were sending her way spoke books. The loudest signal she received was a “Run, if you wanna live” glance from Tomás. Gabriel couldn't hold eye contact with her. He knew exactly what was going to happen but they were both too afraid to disobey their boss.

One of the younger, nameless thugs suddenly grabbed her from behind, threw her handbag and with it the gun out of her reach before he shoved her towards the stairs.

The pleading look she gave Tomás was useless. None of them would help her should Nevada lose it. The thug pushed her upstairs towards Nevada's bedroom door. He didn't bother knocking but simply opened the door and he pushed her in aggressively.

Nevada sat on the armchair in the corner of the room, smoking a cigar, and watching the golden liquor in the tumbler in his hand swing under the little movements of his wrist. On the sidetable Ella could see his gun resting as a silent threat. He was already threatening her with his calmness. He sure as hell would explode as soon as the thug had left them again.

Suddenly her entire world shrinked down to this room, all her attention was directed at him. Ella stared at him wide eyed. She could smell Rafael still on her and Nevada would do it too. He would kill her. She was sure of that.

“Where were you, carino?” Again the calmness he said it in was terrifying for Ella. He didn't look at her, only pursed his lips when he waited for an answer.

“I.. I was..”

Her voice quit it's service and even if not, she didn't know what to say to make it out of here alive. He would kill her.

Suddenly Ella became very calm. It felt like a breeze blew away her fear. Maybe it was the acceptance that she had lied to herself long enough and that she was worth more than Nevada was willing or able to give her. Ella took a few deep breaths before closing her eyes, mentally preparing herself for the inevitable.

She knew he would punish her no matter what she said now. He was beyond fixing anything. Nevada wanted blood so she could just finally tell him how she really felt.

“I was with Rafael. He didn't treat me like a whore. He didn't hurt me and he would never cheat on me like you do. Does it make you feel like a real man when you fuck them? Do you even know that none of them would even look your way, if you weren't _the_ Nevada Ramirez? They just fuck you because it's easier to get rid of you again like that!”

She took a deep breath, wanting to continue but he had heard enough. Nevada got up from his armchair, threw the tumbler against the wall behind Ella and grabbed his gun. She winced when the glass shattered behind her but didn't flinch when he stalked towards her with angry steps. He curled his free hand into a tight fist and punched her straight on the cheek bone under her left eye. The force of the blow struck her down. Her head was ringing when she landed on the floor.

“Oh my god,” she whispered, bracing herself for what else was going to come. Nevada had never hit her or any other woman before. He was rough, yes, but he had never been brutal or lost control like this.

“You filthy bitch! You fucking whore! I have been too soft on you for way too long. How dare you disrespect me like this?”

Ella lifted her hand to her face, testing for any blood. Her hand was still clean but her head was hurting. She couldn't believe he actually hit her. “Nevada, I-”

He didn't let her finish. As soon as she turned her head to look at him another hard punch landed a little lower that the first hit. It knocked the air out of her lungs with a low grunt of pain and shock. She tasted blood and her lip felt like it was pounding.

Nevada started pacing the room like a nervous lion. He had too much energy running through his veins to stay still. He had never hit a woman before but no woman had ever dared to show such disrespect towards him, and not for everyone to see. His steps came to a sudden stop when Ella's small voice travelled to his ears.

“Holy Mary, pray for us. Holy Mother of God. Holy Virgin of virgins. Mother of Christ.” Nevada took in a deep breath when he heard her praying. “Mother of the Church. Mother of divine grace. Mother most pure.”

“Shut up.” It all felt too familiar, too painful. The only thing that was different was that he wasn't nine years old anymore, holding onto a crying Angelina in the corner of the kitchen, and watching his father with bruised knuckles towering over his praying mother, bleeding on the linoleum covered floor.

“Mother most chaste. Mother inviolate. Mother undefiled.”

“SHUT UP!” he screamed at her, completely out of his mind.

Ella cringed under the volume of his voice but kept on praying nonetheless. “ Mother most amiable. Mother admirable. Mother of good counsel.”

She was fearing he would make use of that gun in his left hand. Ella regretted everything in her life in those unnatually long minutes. But she didn't only regret her past mistakes but also all the things she would never do. She would never be able to actually tell Rafael that she was still in love with him, that it had never changed. There would be no children calling her Mami and no husband calling her Mi Amor when he came home from work. No more laughs, no more cries. Just nothing.

“Mother of our Creator. Mother of our Saviour. Mother of mercy,” she cried, tears fell from her cheeks mixing with the blood that had dropped from the cut on her lip.

“I told you to SHUT UP!” Nevada screamed at her making her cry out in fear. He came closer again and stopped right next to her. The metallic click of the hammer being pulled back wiped her mind blank. She couldn't remember the rest of the Litany of the Blessed Virgin Mary Catalina had taught her for her First Communion.

There it was! The moment of her death. Ella closed her eyes with one final word on her lips. “Rafael.”

 


	12. Police Precinct

Ella's head was pounding and her lip hurt. The metal bench was uncomfortable but it meant nothing in the light of what had happened a few hours ago. She had been only heartbeats away from death when suddenly a whole SWAT team had burst into the room. Shouts and guns and Nevada still towering over her with his gun pointed at the back of her head.

She had only waited for the moment of eternal silence. Eventually she had heard the deafening sound of a shot followed by Nevada cursing through gritted teeth. Something metallic had landed next to her head but she hadn't been able to comprehend what was going on.

Only when two police officers had helped her up and shouted at her that she was arrested for the killing of Gaél Garcia Menéndez, she had really understood that she wouldn't die today.

Nevada had warned her in Spanish not to say a single word without a lawyer when she turned around to get handcuffed. He was bleeding from a bullet wound on his right shoulder, his hands were in cuffs just like hers.

Ella had asked for a lawyer when she sat in the back of the police car but remained quiet otherwise. They asked her if she needed medical treatment but Ella only wanted to be alone or at least around as few people and possible so a hospital was a bad place and she wasn't that badly injured.

“Did he hit you before, Miss?”

“Lawyer,” Ella responded tiredly.

“Listen, we can protect you. You don't have to be afraid of him.”

“Lawyer,” she repeated and leaned her head against the cold window before she closed her eyes and thanking God that he had given her a second chance to make something out of her life.

Now Ella sat here in the precinct cell together with prostitutes and junkies. It was right where she belonged, a small part of her sneered. The women around her were her past and her present. Once a junkie, now a whore. Who know if she would go back to any of those options in the future.

She didn't know how Nevada was or where he was. He must be in a hospital, she gathered, his wound needed treatment.

In the back of her mind, she wondered if Rafael had send the police to Nevada's house after she had left him. Did he know where she was right now? Hopefully not. Ella didn't want him to see what Nevada had done to her. A female cop had offered her a cool pad for her lip about an hour ago. It wasn't cooling anymore but Ella still held it to her lip. Her eye hurt too. She was sure he had given her a black eye. What an end to an era.

Ella was waiting for her lawyer to finally arrive. She had given them the name of their go-to lawyer but because he was on Nevada's payroll and she was no longer under his protection, it was questionable if he would even bother to come down to the station for her if she couldn't pay him.

“You asked for a lawyer,” Ella heard another twenty minutes later and closed her eyes when she heard the familiar voice. A prostitute whistled at him but Rafael ignored her. Ella turned her head away to hide her injuries from him.

“I asked for a defense attourney not a prosecutor,” she murmured silently.

“Look at me, Ella.”

She shook her head no, too embarrassed to face him.

“Did you send them?”

“No. That was Organized Crimes. I'm sorry it took me so long to learn that you were arrested as well.”

She was afraid to ask but she had to. “Do you know why I was arrested?”

“Yes. And I told you I don't believe that you are a murderer.”

“But I am,” Ella sniveled, tears rising behind her eyes.

“You shouldn't say another word until your lawyer arrives,” he whispered lowly.

“He won't. I can't pay him.”

“I got you somebody else. She's a very good defense attourney. Her name is Rita Calhoun. You shouldn't talk to anyone without her.”

Ella finally turned her head around to face him. She could hear him gasp at the sight of her swollen and bruised face. “That includes you too?”

“Officer, why is she in here and not in a hospital? She needs medical treatment!” Rafael called and closed his fingers around the iron bars that separated them from each other and whispered, “Did he do this to you?”

“She refused, counsellor. We're not stupid,” one of the Officers nearest to the cell answered.

“Is that correct?” His eyes were almost pleading her to say it was a lie. He was angry, at Nevada but he couldn't get his hands on him so he'd rather strengthen his reputation as an asshole amongst the cops. Ella nodded and looked away again.

“I should've chained you to my bedpost,” he whispered silently so only she could hear it.

Maybe. Ella wanted the earth to swallow her. “It's not your fault.”

“It is. I should've been more persistent.”

“No, I would've gone back to him no matter what you said.”

Rafael swallowed thickly, collecting the courage and calmness he needed to ask the next question and brace himself for her answer. “Do you still love him ..even after what he did to you?”

Ella carefully wiped away a tear from her swollen cheek and shook her head. Another gasp from Rafael but this time it was followed by a sigh of relief.

“Counsellor, why are you calling me in the middle of the night?” a lean woman with long hair and a constantly arched eyebrow asked when she approached them. Her brown eyes scanned the women in the cell and knew exactly who of them was her next client. Ella stood out like a red gown on a black/white ball. She looked decent, clean apart from a few drops of blood on her dress. Her face looked like the one of a woman who had gone through too much in her life.

“Your new client, Rita,” Rafael announced, “She was arrested during the Ramirez raid tonight.”

“And you called me because …?”

“Because I'm an old friend and she deserves the best lawyer she can get. I pay for your service.”

Ella silently shook her head at the lawyers' conversation.

“What's your name, Miss?”

“Fiorella Cortez,” Rafael answered for her. Rita lifted her eyebrows even more at him.

“Can't she answer herself?”

He rolled his eyes and took a few steps back to respect the relationship between Ella and her attourney. Rita stepped closer to the bars without touching them. “Are you willing to work together with me? Because this won't work if you don't. And I'm not going to waste Mr Barba's money if it's futile. I have enough cases that demand my attention already.”

Ella glanced at her from the corner of her eyes. She didn't look as ''good'' as Rafael had promised her to be. But maybe the way she talked to Ella was just what she needed it right now. Ella nodded eventually.

“Get my client out of this cell. I will need a room to talk to her alone,” Rita ordered the officers and brought her into an interrogation room. Rafael waited outside, pacing the floor. He wouldn't let her stay the night in that cell. Maybe he could stand surety with his name.

“What will happen now?” Ella asked, sunken down on her metal chair.

“Did you kill Mr Menéndez two weeks ago?”

“Yes,” she whispered and let out a shaky breath.

“Why?”

“He was about to kill my boyfriend.”

“Your boyfriend Nevada Ramirez?”

Ella nodded and Rita started thinking hard. “Would you be willing to testify against him in open court? We could see if the ADA is willing to make a deal with us in exchange for information.”

“I won't testify. Not against him or anyone else.”

The other woman let out a heavy sigh. She hadn't slept enough for this. “Why not? You could face some serious jail time here, Miss Cortez.”

“I won't send him to his doom. I'd rather rot in prison. I can't turn my back on him just like that.” Ella wiped away a fresh tear and added in a low voice, “I deserve to go to prison just as much as he does.”

“You said you tried to keep Menéndez from killing your boyfriend. That's defence of a third party. If Ramirez makes a corresponding statement then you could get away with a black eye.” Ella send a short glare in her lawyer's direction but she only cocked her head to the side and continued, “Or we find somebody else who had been present to confirm your story.”

Ella mentally went through the list of everyone who had been there in the warehouse that night in February but didn't want to put anyone there. Nevada wouldn't testify for her. Rafael was wasting his money on her because she would go to jail anyways.

“Will you run away if you get out of here tonight?” Rita asked with a tired sigh, “Because I think that Mr Barba would be willing to take you under his protective wing.”

“Will he be in trouble?”

Rita narrowed her eyes. “Not if you don't give him a reason to be. If what you said is true and you only shot this man to defend yourself or somebody else, I don't see how that should affect him. What exactly is your relationship?”

Ella closed her eyes and shook her head.

“I can't help you if you don't talk to me, Miss Cortez.”

“I slept with him ..earlier tonight,” Ella answered after a long pause. She gestured to her damaged face and whispered, "He's the reason for this."

“Did he know you are Nevada Ramirez' girlfriend?”

“He tried to convince me to leave him but I wouldn't listen.”

“And I assume that that in your face taught you to listen to him? You can't tell me that you will return to him should Ramirez get out on bail what I don't expect to happen, to be honest.”

“I never want to see him again.”

“Then help us to get him away for good,” Rita said with a stern but friendly tone. She really just wanted to help her. “I'm _your_ attourney, not Mr Barba's although he pays me. I will do everything to keep you out of jail but you'll have to help me.”

 _Her_ attourney, Ella thought when Rita left her for a moment to discuss if she could be send ''home'' for the night. Rafael was helping her but she still couldn't bring herself to fully trust him and let go of the feelings she had cultured over the last decade when Nevada had been her world. Everything he had done was on her as well.

 


	13. Apartment III

Rafael had to sign what felt like 300 different papers before he could take Ella home with him. Rita and him arranged to meet the next day for discussing further steps in Ella's case. Yet, he didn't drive home straightaway as he had told the officers.

“This isn't the way to your apartment,” Ella whispered from the seat next to him.

“No, we get you into a hospital. I want to be sure that you're as fine as possible after he attacked you.”

She wanted to object. Not to their destination but to the phrasing ..but he was right. Nevada had attacked her. She was a victim.

“I'm so sorry, Rafael,” she murmured and felt fresh tears burn in her eyes. She felt so tired and like one giant pulsing raw nerve. His warm hand closed around hers before he gave it a tender squeeze.

“We'll figure something out.”

The doctors confirmed what Ella had already guessed. Her cheek bone was broken. She had a loose tooth and a pretty bad black eye. No concussion, only a headache thanks to the broken bone in her face. They gave her a prescription for heavy painkillers but Ella didn't want to take them. Her fear of getting addicted to anything again was worse than the pain she felt. Rafael promised he would take care but he had no experience with ex-junkies or secret drinkers. They always find a way around the hurdles without anyone noticing. Ella remembered the time she had successfully smuggled crack into the house right under Nevada's nose at the beginning of her rehab. He had been furious but still helped her through her night shivers and the feeling that her whole body was on fire.

“I just want to sleep,” Ella whined and leaned her head against the cold window when they were back in Rafael's car again.

In his apartment, Ella dragged herself over to the couch. She felt like no matter where she was, she was unwelcomed. Maybe she should've just stayed in that cell where she belonged.

Ella broke down in tears, muffling her loud sobs with her hands but it was still alarming Rafael who had prepared his guest room for her in case she wanted to be alone for the rest of the night. He hurried back into his living room and hugged her tightly to let her know that she wasn't alone. He was there for her.

Rafael ran his hands up and down her back, calming her as good as he could. Her tears seemed to last forever. He felt helpless, only holding her and providing the little comfort he could. Ella murmured apologies here and there but he only soothed her until her tears finally dried.

Ella felt drained of all strength, but a little better. She carefully wiped the tears from her injured cheek while Rafael soothed her hair down and waited for her next step.

When she remained silent he talked, “I will have to lock the door. Not because I want to keep you prisoner but because I want to keep the threats outside.”

Ella nodded understandingly.

“Don't you want to take a pill and go to sleep? I can imagine it's been a very hard day for you.”

She looked up into his eyes. She could finally tell him that she loved him and that she was so sorry. She had used him today like Nevada used all those girls from the clubs. She wasn't better than him.

“No pills, please. But I take the bed,” Ella mumbled tiredly instead and stood up.

She wasn't sure where she would sleep and in the back of her mind she wondered what Rafael expected in return for the bed and that defense attourney he paid for her.

“Would you like to be alone tonight?” he asked after locking the apartment door and putting the keys in his pocket. So it was an option to have a bed of her own. But she didn't want to be alone tonight. Ella shook her heavy, pounding head and let him lead her into his bedroom. The faint smell of sex still lingered in the air and by the sight of the disarranged sheets, Ella felt sick.

She had destroyed everything and it literally hurt like hell. Feeling guilty maybe wasn't helping her now but she couldn't bring her head to shut up about it. Ella wondered if she had just stomached Nevada's escapades, she would still be with him and be ''happy''.

But where would it have led to? There was no way Ella would've ever wanted a family with him. As far as she knew there were no bulletproof vests in kids size and Nevada was involved too deeply into his world to just stop … and he would definitely not stop for her.

Rafael offered her one of his shirts and pj's for the night. They didn't speak and Ella was torn between feeling relieved and uneasy because of it. When she had changed into the clothes that smelled so wonderfully of Rafael, she crawled under the sheets, turning her back to him and curling up into a ball.

She felt the mattress dip under his weight when he climbed into bed himself. Ella wanted him to hold her but didn't dare ask him to. She was a murderer and he knew it but he still allowed her into his bed.

“Do you sometimes ask yourself where it all went wrong?” he said and leaned over her to turn off the bedside lamp on her nightstand.

“Sometimes,” Ella replied silently.

Rafael looked down to her face, contemplating if he should snake his arm around her middle or not. Like this he couldn't see her beaten up face. She didn't look injured, only sad. With the light gone, he could tell himself that she wasn't even sad anymore.

“And did you come to a conclusion?”

Ella turned around to face Rafael. In the darkness she could barely make him out but she felt his body heat next to her. “Several. If my mum had left dad maybe I would've grown up somewhere else. Maybe if Alex had gone to Uni and not you, I wouldn't have started taking drugs and I would've never met Nevada. If I had left him after -” She had lost his baby. Ella couldn't tell him that detail. It wouldn't do anything but hurt her and perhabs him too? Or was she overestimating his feelings for her? Maybe she had misread everything and she still meant nothing to him; just an old aquaintance. Had their sex just been a little twisted adventure to him?

“If I hadn't left, I guess I would've married Yelina and would live Alex' life.”  
“She had already had an affair with him before you left for Harvard. She would've left you anyways,” Ella whispered and sighed heavily.

“You knew it?”

“Everyone did. While you studied day and night for your scholarship, she pranced around hanging by his arm. They didn't even try to keep it a secret. Sorry, Rafael, but you were the only one who was too blind to see.”  
It felt good to talk about something other than her catastrophic relationship but it still hurt that Rafael had rather sticked to Yelina than seeing how much she had loved him. It was just so unfair and the old wounds had never healed properly.

“Why didn't you tell me?”

“Would you have listened? In your eyes I was just a little girl.”

“You were, Ella. When I last saw you in the summer before Law School you were 12 years old.”

And yet, she thought, she would've given him everything. Well, everything within legal boundries. But maybe that would've made him come back. As grim as it sounded but his father's death would've been the perfect opportunity for them to see each other again. 15 years ago she had been nineteen years old, legal and still completely head over heels for him. But Rafael had only send flowers and an excuse why he wouldn't be able to make it.

A lump formed in her throat, one that she had fought so many times before whenever the what-if's had floated back up to the surface. Ella was tired and hurt, physically and emotionally. Without thinking, she snuggled into his chest and let out a small sigh of relief when he hugged her back tightly.

“What will happen now?”

“Because of the murder charges?”

She nodded and listened to the calming beat of his heart under her cheek. “What if I just confess?”

“You didn't do it.”

“Rafael, I killed him. I did it. You weren't there,” Ella sobbed silently, asking herself if jumping out of the window wouldn't be an option too. Like that she would spare everyone so much trouble.

“I know that you didn't kill him,” he stated, sounding more like he tried to convince himself than her, “You aren't the type, Ella. I see murderers all day long and you aren't one. If you really caused somebody's death then you didn't do it on purpose.”

Ella freed herself from his embrace and sat up straight. “I pointed a gun at him and pulled the trigger, Rafael!”

He followed her and ran his hand over her skin on her back under the shirt to sooth her again. “Why did you do it? You must have had a reason.”  
Tears stung in her eyes. The lump was trying to choke her. “I..”

Ella took a deep breath and shook her head.

“Let's talk about that tomorrow, okay? It's been a hard day for you,” Rafael said calmly and stroked her tenderly with his thumb. Her muscles were tense and her headaches seemed to get even worse. Maybe one pill wouldn't hurt?

* * *

 

Rafael called Rita the next morning, inviting her over so that Ella wouldn't have to leave the apartment and risk an act of revenge by one of Nevada's men. Staying with an ADA would make it look like she was coorperating with the police in the case against the drug lord. But the truth couldn't be further from that.

“You really should testify. This could help with the charges against you,” Rita tried to tell her but Ella only shook her head and stared out of the big windows in the living room.

“Ella, think about it.”

“I will not testify against him, Rafael.” Her stern voice was giving away her determination. Rafael sighed irritatedly and got up from the couch to leave Ella and her lawyer alone.

“Why not?”

“Because I owe him my life,” Ella replied softer. She hadn't slept well this night, and was tired and short-tempered. “What will happen with me if I plea guilty to murder?”

“I already told you that you can plead to not guilty for defence of a third party. And I learned from a friend in the police department that there is a very important witness on your side. Somebody who will keep you out of prison.” Rita smiled like a cat. Rafael could do that too but hers almost looked a bit more cunning. His was always more on the wicked side … at least back when he had given her his smiles without that clouding worry in his eyes.

“When will Nevada's trial begin?”

“Shouldn't you be more interested when your trial begins?”

Ella shrugged a little. Her mind was still circling around him most of the time.

Rita got up from the couch and walked to her client by the tall windows overlooking the city. “The shot in the shoulder wasn't too serious. He's fine but in custody. You don't have to worry about him.”  
Ella nodded and forced herself to smile. Her trial would begin before Nevada's. That was, if the ADA for her case would even go to trial.

 


	14. Court

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note that I am not an English native speaker nor am I a lawyer or visiting a law school. So everything I wrote in this chapter is based on the few law classes I had at uni offering a general overview of the American law system, the things I absorbed at SVU, and what I know about German law. Enjoy!

A few months later Ella sat next to her attourney on the defendant's bench listening to the people argue around her after the ME's testimony. Ella couldn't get rid of the pictures that had been shown to her and the jury. They had found Gaél Garcia Menéndez a week after his death. The thugs hadn't done a very good job disguising the identity of the bodies. They had forgotten to cut off their finger tips or pull out their teeth. Idiots. Well, wasn't she really the idiot?

“We plead not guilty for defence of a thrid party,” Rita declared calmly, “My client doesn't belong into jail.”

“Your Honor, she shot a man in cold blood during a drug deal. The ME will confirm what had happened,” ADA Cox said in a confident voice that only made her seem bitchy, at least for Ella. The ME, Dr. Rogers, was called in as first witness for the prosecution. She sat their in the witness stand and showed pictures of a greenish corpse that had once been a human being. Ella couldn't look at the pictures for too long before she felt sick. When the doctor was done with her testimony, Rita directed her speech to the judge again.

“Your Honor, Dr. Rodgers confirmed that the victim was hit in the middle of his chest, by a single bullet from a distance of at least 4 feet. He was on his way to attack my client. She only defended herself and her boyfriend who had already been wounded seriously. The victim's gang started the shooting. He was known for violent behaviour and drug abuse. My client does not own a gun. She has never been reported violent and this is the first time she has to sit in front of a judge. What happened in the warehouse in February was a tragic event but my client is not to be held responsible.”

“Not be held responsible? She shot him right in the chest. She could've aimed for his leg but she chose to kill him,” the ADA, Pippa Cox, huffed.

“She panicked and didn't _aim_ at anything. She had to chose to either see her boyfriend, she depended on greatly at that time, die or act in his defense. She feared for both of their lives.”

Ella hung her head low. Rafael hadn't had time to come here today. He had promised that he might be able make it in time but the bench behind her was only filled with strange faces.

“Miss Cortez is not a murderer, and manslaughter is a completely overblown charge. Miss Cox is only using this trial to push my client into testifying against her former boyfriend, Nevada Ramirez. We request a motion for dismissal, Your Honor. We offered the DA's office a deal but it seems Miss Cox would rather boost her career on the back of my innocent client.”

“A man died form the defendant's hands, Miss Calhoun, I wouldn't call that innocent,” the judge mumbled, “Are there any witnesses that are willing to come forward and confirm your client's story?”

“Yes, an undercover police officer who had been present during the shooting and who knows my client for many years,” Rita stated proudly.

Ella's head shot up. An undercover cop? Right under Nevada's nose? No way! She went through all the regular thugs that worked for him and who had been in the warehouse that night.

“For years,” she mouthed and that only left Gabriel and Tomás in the picture.

“Are they here? I would like to hear him or her.”

“He's waiting outside, Your Honor.”

“Any objections, Miss Cox?” the judge asked bored. The ADA shook her head in silence and chewed the inside of her cheek. She couldn't object even though she knew that she had just lost her last chance to pressure Ella into a testimony against Ramirez.

Ella turned her head around when the door of the court room opened and ...Tomás entered. She felt herself gasp in shock.

He looked so different from how she knew him. His hair was cut short and he had exchanged his usual washed-out jeans and leather jacket for a dark blue suit with a shiny badge attached to his belt. It was hard to believe that this man in the witness stand was the same one she knew ever since she had started living in the townhouse as a 24-year old.

He gave her an encouraging smile before he started his statement.

“Would you please tell the court your name?” Rita began with a charming smile, knowing that she had already won the case.

“Detective Tomás Manuel Herrera.” That was the name Ella knew him under, well without the _Detective_ of course.

“Where did you work the last couple of years?”

“I was an undercover cop for Manhattan's Gang Unit infiltrating the inner circle of the gang around Nevada Ramirez.”

Ella only stared at him in disbelief. How could they have never noticed that he was a cop?

“How long were you already working for Mr Ramirez?”

"Objection, relevance?"

"I want to show the jury that he is qualified to make a founded statement concerning the surroundings my clients was exposed to," Rita explained and the judge nodded. "Objection overruled."

Tomás pursed his lips when he thought for a second. “About 12 years.”

“And how long have you been working for the NYPD?”

“I entered the Academy at the age of 21. Every since my second year there I worked for the NYPD.”

“So you started working for the defendant's boyfriend while you were still only a cadet, is that correct?” Rita asked, showing the jury a little of the witness to make sure he seemed credible.

“Yes, counsellor, one day I was approached by a Detective from the Gang Unit who needed someone to infiltrate Nevada Ramirez' business. I was the perfect candidate for the task, young, with a family I needed to support, and I came from the right part of town. Mr Ramirez wouldn't find anything in my past that would make him suspicious. My vita was slighty altered to fit the profile even better.”

“Where you present during the shooting the night in question?”

“Yes, I was.” Tomás told the judge and the jury every single detail of what had happened the night in the warehouse confirming everything the ME had said before him. “If she hadn't shot, I would've and nobody would've dragged _me_ in front of a judge.”

“Objection, witness must only answer the question.”

Tomás glared at ADA Cox and took a deep breath before speaking again, ”The shot was completely justified. I wouldn't have acted any differently.”

After his statement, Rita gave Ella's hand a tight squeeze and a warm smile. Tomás left the court room again after nodding at her with a lopsided smile.

“Miss Cox, you knew about the Detective Herrera's testimony?”

“Yes, Your Honor,” she said like a child being caught stealing a cookie.

“Then you just cost the state a lot of money for nothing. I will follow the defense's motion of dismissal.” He brought down the gravel with a sharp noise and thanked the jury for their time before directing the word to Ella, “You are free to go, Miss Cortez. Even though I can't relive what had pushed you to kill a man in order to save a man like Mr Ramirez, you only acted in defence of another person. You are free to go.”

Ella couldn't believe her ears. “But I killed a man,” she whispered.

Rita helped her up and shook her hand. “A man died but you aren't a murderer, Miss Cortez. Would you like to call Mr Barba and tell him the good news?”

“Is Tomás still here?”

He was waiting outside, calling someone on the phone and waiting for Ella to talk to her.

“You're a cop?” Ella blurted out even before she was standing in front of him. She wasn't sure if she wanted to slap or hug him.

“Yeah, sorry I didn't tell you but I called the SWAT team even before you came back home again. And if they hadn't arrived in time I would've rendered him hors de combat before anything could've happened. I'm sorry I wasn't quick enough to prevent the punches.”

“Hors de combat?” He was also talking like a completely different person. Did she even know him at all? Ten years and yet? “What about Gabriel?”

“He didn't know. He'll testify against Nevada in his trial next week in exchange for a pretty good deal with the ADA's office.”

“So everyone sells him out? Just like that?” Ella gasped shocked.

Tomás lifted his eyebrows surprised to hear that she was still on Nevada's side. “Ella, he's a murderer and drug dealer. You have been there all the time. You know what kind of a man he is.” He reached out to touch her by the shoulder. “He tried to kill you.”

Ella shook her head violently. “No, he would've never-”

“He would've and you know that, you just don't want to accept it just yet.”

“What you said about your sister and uni and staying where I fled to ... why? How did you know?”

“I followed you that night, unnoticed as it was my job. I called my contact man and checked for the residents of the apartment complex. When Barba's name came up I knew that you weren't in danger. I was surprised that you really came back that night ..or at all, to be honest. I had hoped you would leave Nevada for good. Ans I called Barba into the precinct when you were arrested. Hope you didn't mind, I just guessed you wanted to see a friendly face.”

Ella couldn't react to the information she was receiving so she just kept on asking her questions in the hope it would all make sense to her eventually. “And that story about your sister? Was that just a lie?”

“No, I really have a little sister. Her name is Mariella, we call her Ella too, and she's actually studying criminology. She wants to become a cop like me,” he laughed before turning serious again, “I wasn't lying to you, especially not when I told you that you can still make something out of your life.”

Ella unconsciously shook her head and saw somebody coming closer from the corner of her eye. She had grown jumpy after she started living with Rafael. And it was him who came towards her with quick steps.

“What's the verdict?” he asked after shortly nodding at Tomás as a greeting.

“Case dismissed,” Ella answered and forced a smile on her lips. She wasn't happy with the verdict. The feeling of guilt still lay heavily on her shoulders. Rafael laughed out loud and hugged her reliefed. He hugged her a lot. It felt all very different from her ''actual'' life. Ella couldn't really adjust to the way it was now.

“We need to celebrate that.”

“A man died, Rafael.”

Right on cue the mother of Gaél Garcia Menéndez passed them by on her way to the elevator. Ella didn't hear what Rafael said to her next. She slightly pushed him out of her way when she tried to catch up with the old lady.

“Seniora Menéndez,” she heard herself say and the white haired woman stopped by the mention of her name. When she turned around she looked stunned.

“What do you want? You're free. You should celebrate.” She didn't sound angry, only hurt.

“I'm so sorry. If-” Ella swallowed thickly. “If I could go back in time I wouldn't shoot. I never wanted to take your son from you.”

Mrs Menéndez regarded her for a long moment, scanning her slumbed shoulders and guilty-looking face.

“I lost my son many years ago. It was only a matter of time until he got himself killed. As harsh as it might sound coming from a mother but I was almost reliefed when the police told me they had found his body. I have four other children who are all good people. I'm sorry that you are the one who killed him but this undercover cop already said it: if it hadn't been you who pulled the trigger, it would've been somebody else that night.”

Mrs Menéndez turned around and stepped into the elevator. Rafael waited for Ella to let the woman's words sink in completely before he approached her again. If not even the victim's own mother held a grudge against her than why couldn't she forgive herself?

Maybe he should listen to Liv when he had told her of the problems Ella seemed to have with finding a way back into a normal life without thugs and guns constantly around her, and find a psychiatrist for her. She was clearly closing up whenever he tried to find out something about her time with Nevada. Rafael couldn't shake the feeling that he wasn't making her happy although he tried everything she would let him do.

After she had moved in with him they hadn't had sex and some nights she would even sleep in the guest room. Whenever he asked her about it, Ella only offered him one of her fake smiles and said it was nothing, only stress because of the trial. She wouldn't be able to use that excuse anymore … unless she had never referred to her own trial but rather Ramirez'.

 


	15. Riker's Island

“I don't think this is a good idea,” Rafael murmured two weeks later. He had his arms crossed over his chest and a stern look on his face.

They had had a little celebration with Lucia and Olivia after the case had been dismissed. She had actually looked like she'd enjoyed herself. Ella had also agreed on seeing a psychiatrist to have somebody other than Rafael to talk to. It seemed like it had helped until today.

Ella was chewing the inside of her cheek, twisting and turning the letter from Nevada's lawyer she had received a few hours ago.

“He just wants to see me.”

“He tried to kill you, Ella.”

“We will be in a prison with guards around us. I will be safe and he would never hurt me.”

“Ella, are you deaf? He tried to _KILL_ you,” Rafael snapped and shook his head. They were arguing about this since he had come home from work an hour ago.

“I will go and see him.”

Rafael let out an irritated groan and sat down next to her on the couch. “What do you hope to get from him that I can't give you?”

“A worthy end for the last ten years,” she whispered and got up to flee into the guest room.  Rafael, however, stopped her with a hand on her shoulder. He pulled her into a hug and agreed that he would accompany her if she still wanted to visit that man tomorrow.

Of course she did! She couldn't just sneak out with all those emotions fighting in her chest. She needed this closure.  

* * *

 

The next day Rafael kept his promise and drove her to Riker's Island, offering to come inside with her but Ella refused kindly.  She had to do this alone.

After a very meticulous frisking, a guard led her down the cold, grey hallways into a room with a single heavy metal table behind thick bars. A man with roughed up, almost a bit grey but still dark hair sat there wearing one of those hideous orange D.O.C. Coveralls.

“Your visitor, Ramirez. You've got ten minutes,” the guard announced and opened the heavy door for Ella. With cautious steps she walked towards the table that Nevada was chained onto. He looked at her from under his heavy brows and motioned her to sit down, not saying a word for what felt like eternity.

She swallowed at the sight of him. Without the usual gel in his hair he looked younger and ...nicer, despite the death glare in his sunken in eyes. He didn't seem to get enough sleep here but other than that? Not even a scratch. His reputation seemed to prevent him from being roughed up by older residents of this place.

Ella couldn't take the silence after a minute and braced herself for the conversation he had requested.

“Why did you want to speak with me?”

“I heard you are an innocent murderer. Your new _stallion_ paid for your lawyer.”

Ella couldn't keep from rolling her eyes at his jealousy. “Is that what you wanted? To Sneer and insult me? Because I'm not here for that.”

“No.” He took a deep breath and leaned back as far as his chains allowed him to. Nevada clenched his teeth before asking in a low, dangerous voice, “Will you testify against me too? Like that rat Tomás and Gabriel did?”

Ella stared at him for a moment, too long for his taste.

“Does he know everything about you? I can't imagine you want him to know in what state you were when you came crawling to me. I think he might be interested in hearing a few things about his cute, little _niña_.”

“No, I do not intend to testify against you. Even without your threat. But please don't tell him anything about that.”

Nevada's eyes burned holes into her skin in the following agonizingly long seconds. He licked against the inside of his teeth, taking in her appearance like he wanted to paint her from memory as soon as she was gone again.

“Leave him and I won't,” he finally broke the heavy silence again.

“Nevada, you can't force me to feel something for you.”

Now he turned angry. His hands curled into tight fists and he brought them down on the table with such a loud thud that Ella flinched. “So the last ten years, all those nights, kisses, fucks, OUR FUCKING BABY meant nothing to you?!”

“I never said that and you know it!” She really tried to be calm and not show her fear.

“But now something better came along and you drop me like a hot potato,” he hissed and killed her with his eyes before continuing after another long pause and a bit calmer than before, “Do you love him?”

Nevada didn't look at her when he muttered his question; only when he waited for her answer.

“Yes, I do.”

It obviously stung to hear that, but don't ask questions you don't want the answer to, her mother had always told her.  Ella could see that he wanted to get up and pace the floor again to get rid of the aggressive energy pumping through his veins. The whole table vibrated from the nervous bobbing movements of his leg.

“Just like that? You're his now?” he bit out and shrugged.

Ella reached over the table to touch his flexing hands. Nevada immediately stopped moving and looked at her with a splinter of hope in his eyes, that broke her heart. “I've always been his, Nevada.”

Suddenly she felt like a heavy weight had been lifted from her shoulders. Yes, she was his and had always been ..and Rafael was trying so hard to show her that he cared for her. Rafael looked at her with concern in his eyes but he never pushed her. He was there when she needed him ..and when his job let him.

“Nevada, this relationship we had would've never lasted forever,” she said with a sad smile.

“If he hadn't destroyed everything it would've,” Nevada replied through gritted teeth. Ella sighed, looked to the side, and wanted to pull her hands away from his again but Nevada wouldn't let go of them just yet. It was almost as if he was actually holding onto her like a lifeline. Maybe the prison was getting to him more than Ella had ever thought possible.

“I haven't been happy for a while now. All this violence and the other women. It was over for much longer than we both wanted to accept.”

“Lo siento, carino.”

It was almost too quiet -and too surreal- for Ella to hear those three little words from him. Her head snapped up and she looked at him in shock. He had never, _NEVER_ , apologized to her, not once in over ten years.

“I might have never said it or shown it often enough but you … you were the most important thing to me. I could always trust you ..until I couldn't anymore. But before that I would've liked to have a family with you. Maybe I would've changed into a better man like that. Give me another chance.”

“No, Nevada. You're a lot of things but you're not a father. You wouldn't have changed your ways. You're true love is money and your mistress has always been power. Any family we might have had would've always been third in line and as far as I know there are no bulletproof vests for pregnant women or babies.”

“You don't know how things might have changed,” he whispered and started massaging her hands with his thumbs.

“I know that when I lost the baby and broke down in tears at the dinner table because I wanted to run my hand over my belly that wasn't there anymore, you rolled your eyes at me and let out an annoyed groan.” Ella felt tears rise behind her eyes from the memories of the second worst time of her life. “Do you actually want to tell me that you would've been up to changing diapers or feeding a crying baby in the middle of the night? Give them piggyback rides  and read them bedtime stories all while running your business?”

Nevada closed his eyes in realization that she was right ..and that he had lost her long before that ADA pendejo had come along. He eventually let go of her hands just in time for the guard to tell them that their ten minutes were over.

When she was already back by the door, she heard his voice again.

“I'm glad they didn't find you guilty for manslaughter. You don't belong into a place like this.”

Ella looked at him for along moment, knowing it would be the last time she would see him. There were no words to describe how she felt right now. The part of her heart that had once beaten for him was still twitching but it was turning slower and slower with every passing day.

Yet it still hurt to see the man who she had almost had a family with look so shattered no matter what he had done to her. Ella knew that she should hate him, he had betrayed her, hit her, and almost killed her in a jealous rage but she would always remember his good sides too.

“Buena suerte en los tribunales … adiós carino.”

The left corner of Nevada's mouth twitched upwards by the mention of his favorite endearment for her and he knew that she had set herself free from him with those two little words. She was loyal enough towards him not to help the police in locking him away for life but also loyal enough to herself to walk out of this place and start a new life with a new man. That's the woman he had fallen for all those years ago, strong and confident even under the worst circumstances. He couldn't ask for more than she was willing to give.

“Sí, adiós, carino.”

On her way outside, Ella felt her steps getting lighter the farther she walked down the long hallways towards the exit, knowing that Rafael would be outside waiting for her with his arms wide open. She almost started running just because she wanted to be close to him again.

Rafael was leaning against his car typing away on his phone like he did half the time when she saw him. He looked up when he heard fast steps on the concrete coming closer. Ella flung her arms around his neck before Rafael could ask her how it had went.

“Are you okay?” he asked, hugging her back and listening for eventual sobs from her.

“Yes,” she whispered and kissed him lightly before she took a step back again, “Can we make a deal?”

Rafael furrowed his brows at her but nodded.

“After today I never want us to talk about Nevada ever again. We simply forget the last ten years and what had happened. We just start new, I could find a job and go to nightschool and-”

Rafael cradled her face in his hands and shut her up with a kiss. “Yes, that sounds like a plan. I love you, Ella.”

The smile that split her face in half almost knocked the air out of his lungs. He had waited so long to finally see it. “Te quiero, Rafael.”

* * *

 

A few weeks later, Nevada had been found guilty of several murders, drug trafficking, assault, and illegal possession of weapons. He was sentenced to life in prison, a big fish off the streets. Ella had expected to be sad when she heard the news but she felt oddly calm, knowing that she would always know where he was. But with him gone, somebody else would take his place in the Heights, selling drugs to kids and collecting ''insurance money'' from the bodegas in the barrio.

At the same time Ella had started taking a few night classes in nursing, her experience with stitching up drug lords coming in handy after all. Rafael had offered to pay for full-time classes at a University but Ella had only smiled at him sweetly and told him that she wouldn't take money from him because that would make her feel like a prostitute ..again.

She still couldn't believe this was her life now. A few weeks ago she had still been living with a drug lord, had been unhappy and dependent on him with no vision of a future and now? Ella lived in a luxurious apartment with the man she had loved ever since she had found out what love was, and was taking classes to help victims like she had once been one.

Everything was perfect and every morning Ella woke up in Rafael's arms, wearing a smile on her lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone who left a comment. You were so nice to me and I had a lot of fun writing my version of this prompt.


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